What are you REALLY afraid of?

Stealing yet another article from today’s SJ-R…

I’m not here to argue the “right” or “wrong” of gay marriage or the banning of same. I’m not gay, so quite honestly, it doesn’t affect me in the least. It’s not like lifting a gay marriage ban would suddenly condemn heterosexual marriages, is it? (The answer to that question would be “no”, genius.) Therefore, any comments left here in support of or against either gay marriage or gay marriage bans will go ignored, so don’t bother. I do, however, have to say something (again) about some of the unintelligent masses that leave comments on the SJ-R message boards.

Without pointing out specific comments- arguers of both sides had some pretty ridiculous things to say- I see it like this. Not acknowledging gay couples exist is not going to make them nonexistent. There have been gay couples for centuries, and there will be for centuries more. But why are people so against them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there’s the whole “God’s word, it says in the Bible” thing, but you know what? The Bible- just like the Constitution- is subject to and receives some pretty broad interpretation (and, quite frankly, pretty brutal misuse of the words that were written, in both cases), depending on what each person “wants” it to mean. Plus, if you want to get down to it, there are some events in the Bible that aren’t exactly… how should I say it… in accordance with {what some people believe is} God’s word. (Again, I’m not debating THAT, so save your breath.)

People argue what that does to children- “exposing them to that lifestyle” and what not. What lifestyle is that- two people that love each other? Yeah, gee, that’s far more damaging to kids than male-female couples that get divorced, or households where abuse occurs, things like that. Some people that use this {lame} argument make it sound like they think the gay couple “demonstrates their gayness” (i.e. has sex) right there in front of the kids or something. I really, REALLY doubt that very many gay or lesbian couples actually do that, and of those that might, would it really be any worse than a male-female couple that have sex in front of their kids? And I’m betting there are male-female couples out there somewhere that do.

And since I mentioned divorce, let’s look at the divorce rate these days. Last I heard anything about the divorce rate in this country, it was near 50%. That is absolutely pathetic, folks. Pardon me for generalizing, since generalizations are a part of the very essence of this whole debate, but of the very, VERY limited amount of gay couples I know, have known, or know (have known) of in my life, most of them had been together for at least 10 years. Some, 20 years. Some, longer still. I’m one of those people that believes a child needs a mother and a father. But even so, it would seem to me that families with two “parental units”, even of the same sex, that love each other and raise children in a warm, loving environment have to be better than divorced couples that degrade and/or bitch at or about their ex-spouse to or in front of the kids, or those where Mom’s doing her best but Dad’s a deadbeat, alcoholic, abuser, addict, whatever (or simply not around). The same for the families where Mom’s the deadbeat, alcoholic, abuser, dot dot dot. Let’s be fair- there are deadbeat moms, too.

Oh, and the other really stupid argument out there: “they’re trying to recruit our children!!!” Good gravy, ignoramus, they’re gay- they’re NOT the Army. I’ve never ONCE seen a “We’re Looking For a Few Good Queers N’ Dykes” stand at the State Fair, at the mall, at any school, at the Chuck E. Cheese, or anywhere else. I’ve never even seen a pamphlet. Maybe since I don’t {knowingly} hang out where homosexuals do, I’ve just “never seen them”, but I’d think after 40 years on the planet, I’d have at least heard about these supposed membership drives by now. Get real.

Besides, I’m betting good imaginary money that some of the homophobics people so strongly against gay marriage, and against homosexuals themselves, would more than likely be shocked- dare I say, devastated- if they knew the amount of their friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances that they don’t know are actually gay.

As for my beliefs, if you’re wondering: homosexuality is not for me. I’m a heterosexual man and I like women, and I like women a lot- especially the equipment they possess that I don’t. But I don’t think homosexuals are necessarily doomed to burn in hell, like the Bible-thumpers believe they are, simply by virtue of being homosexual. Folks, look at the world today. Are homosexuals really on the same level as sex offenders and murderers, as a few commenters suggested? Who do homosexuals harm by being homosexuals? Your “delicate sensibilities”? Please.

And what if, hypothetically, I found out my son’s teacher was gay? Good question- what if? I’ll be far more comfortable with him or her being gay (so long as he or she is a good teacher and doesn’t try to push his or her personal beliefs and views on to my child) than I would with a heterosexual that is a crappy teacher that does try to push their beliefs and views on to my child. Since we’re dealing with ridiculous hypotheticals, look at it this way: which is worse, a gay teacher who is simply nothing more than a good teacher who happens to be gay, or a heterosexual Mary Kay Letorneau type that has sex with your son (or, if it helps you see my point, a male teacher that has sex with your daughter)? In which scenario is your child’s “innocence”, that you seem in such fear for, more completely destroyed? Personally, I’d rather my kids have the gay teacher, given the choice.

I will be the first to admit, I don’t want to “see it”- if there’s a scene in a movie where two men kiss, I’m pretty much “eeeewwwww!!”, for example- but I am not offended or “threatened” by a gay couple, male or female. Frankly, I feel much better knowing about the homosexuals around me, in my neighborhood, in my church, in my kids’ school, or whatever, than I could ever consider feeling by not knowing about the pedophiles, necrophiles, zoophiles, people who get off by being pooped on, and other similar freaks of humanity around me, in my neighborhood, in my church, in my kids’ school, or whatever. There are far more sick, twisted people out there than homosexuals. Fear them instead.

Maybe I’m mellowing just a tad in my old age. I’m not the epitome of tolerance by ANY stretch of the imagination, nor will I likely ever be, and I admit that (not that I’m excusing it, but at least I can fess up to it). I’m still far more conservative than liberal in my views- I still don’t believe that socialized medicine is a good thing, for example- but holy cow, people. Let’s get some perspective on who the real “menaces to society” are. I don’t “agree” with homosexuality, but I also don’t paint all homosexuals with the same broad brush {anymore}, either. As with any race, religion, gender, or any other group of people, there are good and there are bad. Not all white people are racist, not all black people are criminals or drug dealers (it’s predominantly whites that have brought meth into the world, folks), not all Muslims are terrorists, and not all homosexuals are deviants trying to corrupt your children, nor are they all the Jack-from-Will and Grace and flannel-shirt-and-she-mullet-wearing caricatures that are typically presented in movies and on TV. As I alluded to before, some of you would probably be surprised at some of the people in your lives that are gay and you never knew it, yet once you found out, you would probably be horrified and never look at them the same way again.

Again, how are homosexuals worse than a heterosexual that sexually and/or physically abuses children? Or one that sexually and/or physically abuses the spouse, especially in front of the kids? Folks, when child abusers/sex offenders are concerned, their gender preference is not the issue. The issue is that they abuse children, period. As I said, not all “homosexuals” are pedophiles. Matter of fact, the overwhelming majority of pedophiles are not gay. Look it up.

Pick your poison, people. I’ll take “flamers” and “diesel dykes” living next door to me- and my kids- over rapists and child abusers any day of the week and twice on Sundays. As I said, fear those you don’t know about more than those you do.

At last, an intelligent Letter to the Editor

I’ve purposely stayed away from the SJ-R.com message boards lately, for several reasons.

It’s all the posts full of nothing but run-on sentences, misspelled words, punctuation errors and omissions, and other mistakes in grammar and spelling that the average 3rd grader usually doesn’t commit. It’s all the high-fallutin’ hoidy-toidy hypocritical preach-tolerance-but- condemn-everybody pissy-ness that most posters have. It’s all the ridiculous arguments (from all “sides”- pro, con, both, neither, up, down, in, out, back, front, whichever) on even more ridiculous topics. It’s all the juvenile name-calling and pissing back and forth that the people do that winds up spinning things so far out of control that nobody remembers what they were all bitching about in the first place.

Basically, 95% of the posters on SJ-R.com are complete imbeciles.

And it’s the fact that SJ-R.com’s Censorship Nazis has these “Reader Comment Guidelines” that they claim will get your post deleted with the fury of a thousand demons if you don’t adhere to these guidelines, yet probably 80% or more of the posts do exactly what it says in the “Guidelines” not to do. You’re basically at the mercy of whatever SJ-R staffer happens to be monitoring the message boards at that given time, and they and they alone have the ultimate power to decide what does and does not get posted. If they agree with your rant, they’ll post it. If they don’t, they won’t. The same way letter writing works, except this is much more instantaneous- a necessity in our ADD society. But I find it rather ironic (hypocritical, stupid, whatever you want to call it) how a newspaper, one who preaches and survives off of freedom of the press and freedom of speech, and promotes the whole “everybody deserves to know everything about everybody all the time” BULLSHIT, feels it is okay to censor its readers’ online comments. If they want to kick out the offensive and vulgar posts, that’s one thing. But holy crap, are they fickle (almost to the point of being schizo about it) about what they’ll post and what they won’t. But that’s another issue.

And then the SJ-R server being down earlier in the week helped me stay away as well. Other than not being able to verify that Unpainted Huffhines is still AWOL, I really hadn’t missed the website at all.

Then for some inexplicable reason, I deliberately set myself up for an ulcer this morning by going to SJ-R.com and reading some of the tripe that is passed off as “intelligent” comments from supposedly educated people. Or as most of them would say, “supposably” educated people.

You have your people continuing to argue who sucks worse, the Cubs or Cardinals- months before it even begins to matter who is in 1st place and who isn’t.

You have your people blaming Bush for everything that has ever happened anywhere in history EVER. I haven’t found it yet- YET- but I imagine there’s someone who has blamed Bush for the cyclones in Burma. Why not- they blamed him for Hurricane Katrina. But then, they’re dumbasses.

You have your people spouting off about why Obama’s better than Clinton, why Clinton’s better than Obama, why either is better than McCain, why neither is better than McCain, etc.

You have your people saying that putting a Super Wal-Mart on every corner is somehow a good thing.

You have your people inexplicably STILL backing Governor Blowjobovich, no matter how much he continues to screw over every community in Illinois not named Chicago.

You have your people knitting conspiracies out of nothing, playing race cards for no reason other than because they can, condemning this person while making excuses for another person that did or does the same thing, things like that.

Then you have your people that just like to argue. I know of a few bloggers and their respective cliques of “yeeeaaaaaahhhhhh, what he said” commenters that are like that- they’d argue they were never born, just for the argument. I got verbally gang-banged over mayonnaise at one site. MAYONNAISE! Apparently, the author and most frequenters of that blog don’t care for mayonnaise and anyone who reads the blog had better not like it either or keep their fuggin’ mouth shut, ain’t dat right, Spike?! Hey, I’m all for debates, even in {supposed} jest. There is a point, however, where it gets to be a bit much. I can’t stand it when people argue for no other reason than to argue. Yeah, you have every right to do so, but you’re still a friggin’ idiot. Kinda like most people on the message boards. (See, at least I eventually come back to my topic!)

But at last, the clouds parted e’er so briefly today. There was a Letter to the Editor in today’s paper- the paper paper, no less- that actually made sense.

Child’s tragic death not fault of the city

As I was reading the letter to the editor on April 29, I was dumfounded by the ludicrous accusations of Elaine Boardman (“Timing for fixing of streetlights seems odd”).

Boardman states that the guilt for this child’s death lies totally (her words) with the city of Springfield. No, Ms. Boardman, I must disagree.

The guilt for this child’s death lies totally with his parents. This was a tragic accident and my heart grieves for this child’s parents and family and for the ambulance driver. My prayers go out to them.

However, to blame the city of Springfield is not justified. I myself am the mother of two children (ages 6 and 12). Responsible parents would not allow their 6-year-old child to be riding his bicycle, unsupervised, at 8:30 p.m. on 11th Street. The safety of children lies solely with the parents.

Denise Beauman

Springfield

I am possibly slightly biased here, since I happen to know this particular letter writer extremely, extremely well, but regardless, it is a brilliant letter.

This child’s death was, indeed, a tragedy. One that possibly could have been avoided had any number of circumstances been different. However, as Ms. Beauman stated, the “blame” here belongs solely with the child’s parents. I would never, EVER wish what happened to this poor child upon anyone, but Jesse H. Chrysler, what in the hell do you expect?! Have you ever seen the way people drive in this town, especially the dragster track that is 11th Street?

The child was 6. SIX. Folks, I live on the west side of town, and as most idiots people in this town will try to make you believe, the west side is where the sun always shines, the west side always gets preferential treatment from the police and from city snow and tree limb-removal crews, and the west side also, apparently, routinely has cross-burning parties. Yeah, yeah, bite me. This has nothing to do with in which area of town this incident occurred. As I said, I live on the west side, and I still get nervous when my kids play in my fenced-in back yard unsupervised. I sure as hell am not going to let them bicycle unsupervised up and down a busy street, especially one on which the speed limits are totally ignored- like 11th Street- and especially not at 8:30 at night.

A street light was out. It should have been replaced immediately, that is true. But then, you can’t blame the City for that, either. If you have a streetlight out in your neighborhood, call Public Works and request that it be replaced. They don’t just drive around looking for burnt-out streetlights, and if they did, most of you would bitch about “what a waste of taxpayer dollars” it is. Chalk another one in the I Want Things My Way But I Still Gotta Be Able To Bitch About It column.

Echoing Ms. Beauman, my heart goes out to the family of the child and to the ambulance driver. But if you’re looking to “blame” someone, blame the child’s parents. As parents, you and you alone are responsible for your children. (Keyword: RESPONSIBLE.) You can’t let them run amok unsupervised and then start doling out blame when they get into trouble, or hurt, or worse- it doesn’t work that way. True, there are circumstances where something happens to a child that not even the best, most attentive and most diligent parents can prevent. But at least in this case, the only reason that child died is because he was allowed to ride his bicycle on 11th Street unsupervised. Period.

Take some responsibility for your actions, or, in this case, lack thereof. It is nobody else’s job to raise your children, regardless of what certain female presidential hopefuls try to convince you. Not teachers, not clergy, not government officials, not the neighbors, not your relatives, but YOURS. Most people seem to have no problem taking all the credit for their children succeeding; why, then, is it always someone else’s fault when your child fails or when, heaven forbid, something happens to them?

Bravo to you, Ms. Beauman, for your letter, and congratulations on somehow getting it printed in the paper.

Ah, hypocrisy is alive and well on WordPress

Being on WordPress allows you the “privilege” (?) of scanning some of the more popular WordPress blogs while tending to your own.

There appears to be this sudden glut of blogs with nice little stereotype-perpetuating ideologies; some are deemed “humorous” in nature, while some seem to be genuinely rife with hostility. I’m talking about the “Stuff _______ People Like” blogs.

Stuff White People Like appears to be the original, or at least the most popular and most frequently posted and commented upon.  I’ve also seen Stuff Black People Like, Stuff College People Like, Stuff Educated Black People Like, Stuff White Parents Like, etc.  (Note that I’m not providing links to any of them because none of them deserve the free plug.  I didn’t even want to mention their names, but not doing so would have really made this post rather vague.)

First of all, the Stuff White People Like blog is pretty ridiculous.  Of the nearly 100 things so far that they claim white people like, there have only been a handful that I myself am remotely interested in.  Therefore, it is a stereotype.  “Humorous” or “satirical” or not, it’s still a stereotype.  And then there’s the Stuff Black People Like and Stuff Educated Black People Like blogs, which, while written (presumably) by blacks, still perpetuate stereotypes.  The few entries I’ve seen on these blogs even have comments left by readers that go on to further incite the “Fuck Whitey” sentiment.  Go check them out- my particular favorite is the one that, on a post entitled “Hate Groups Know No Color” or something along that line, someone left the heartwarming comment, “Hate groups DO know a color and it is white”.

Ah, good-natured ribbing indeed. A couple bars of Kumbayah, anyone?

If people want to go on bashing their own race (or any other, for that matter), that’s fine and dandy.  Freedom of speech and all, even if you’re an idiot.  Hence why I am here.  But speaking of which, why, then, am I pummeled here with hate mail (okay, hate comments) when I do nothing more than poke fun at Wal-Mart shoppers or craft beer and foo-foo coffee drinkers?  It cracks me up how certain people think it’s up to them and they alone to pick and choose when racism, labels, generalizations, and stereotypes are okay and when they’re wrong.  Again, call it “humor” or “satire” all you want- it still breeds the very unrest between ethnic or other sociological groups that people say they are striving to eliminate.  You can’t very well be trying to eliminate racism and stereotypes if you’re feeding them, now can you?

Kind of like that special “N” word.  It’s considered wrong when white people use it, yet it’s perfectly okay for black people to call each other (and themselves) that word at will.  I’m not going to pretend to be above it- I have used the N-word before in my life.  It’s not something I’m proud of by any means, but at least I have the balls to fess up to it.  I don’t like the word and I do think it’s extremely hateful in nature.  But if it is, it is hateful regardless of the race (or the mood) of the speaker.  Don’t give me the lame “black people use it as a term of endearment– they say ‘nigga’, so it’s different” argument.  It’s NOT different, sunshine.  It’s either offensive or it isn’t.  To vilify white people that say the N-word but then not think twice when a black person says it is… wait for it… RACIST.  The word is either hateful and racist or it isn’t.  It doesn’t depend on who says it; either everyone needs to stop using it or else you can’t get bent out of shape when you hear it.  Bottom line, it’s just a word.  It only brings you down as far as you let it.  But if you’re that offended by that word, tell those that seem to use it most (even the inbred limpdick neo-Nazi dickheads pinheads skinheads, who actually are not even worth the effort) to stop using it.  Otherwise, just shut up.

Once again, it seems it is okay to be racist, as long as you’re not white.

Bunch of damn hypocrite bastards.

Attacked by a rebuttal in defense of Wal-Mart

So I posted something the other day bashing Wal-Mart. Some people agreed with me, some didn’t. Actually, MOST did, one didn’t. Not that I’m keeping track. And then there was a response, in the form of a post on a different blog, in which the writer was so blatantly obviously referring to my post (while, oddly enough, taking part of it out of context- go figure), and then apparently doesn’t allow comments on their site, so I couldn’t defend myself. Therefore, allow me to do that here. And since that blogger made a half-hearted attempt at “protecting my anonymity” (although it was quite obvious as to whom they were referring), I shall do the same. If people figure out who said other blogger is, that ain’t my fault. There are intelligent readers out there, even those that read my ramblings.

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“Bashing Walmart is fashionable these days … and I supposes it’s amusing to make fun of people and make yourself feel superior in the process. You know what? I’m sick of hearing it.”

Tough titties. Nobody forced you to read the post, yet you did anyway. Secondly, let’s get something straight- I never once proclaimed myself superior to anyone in that post. If you want to infer that, then that’s on you. And don’t sit there and make yourself superior to me by trying to imply that you don’t make fun of and never have made fun of people. It’s human nature. Sometimes it happens without the fun-maker-of-er even realizing they’re making fun of someone. It’s not necessarily proper, or “politically corrupt correct”, but it is human nature. Comedians and actors make millions making fun of other people. Including themselves. And if you were a regular reader, you’d know that I am quite self-defamatory here. I’m not trying to justify it in the least, but even so, drop the “how dare you make fun of people” shtick and lighten up.

There is no place in sports for sportsmanship

Last week, the University of Chief Illiniwek basketball team hosted the hated rival Indiana Hoosiers. The underlying story line was that there was a kid for Indiana, Eric Gordon, that, in the minds of Illiniwek fans, reneged on his commitment to play for the Illiniweks and ran off to Hoosierville. Thus, at this meeting in Champaign, a portion of the crowd shouted obscenities at young Master Gordon, and his coach Kelvin Sampson, laced with F-bombs.

Classy, folks. Real classy.

I can appreciate that Illiniwek fans could feel “betrayed” by this kid changing his mind, and “sabotaged” by Sampson who supposedly “stole” the hottest prospect the Illiniweks have seen in years right out from under them. I can somehow appreciate that, even though it has absolutely NO effect on said fans’ lives whatsoever. But good gravy, people–get over it. So the kid went to play for the arch-rival Hoosiers. So what? Is it THAT big a deal that you need to embarrass yourselves, the school you supposedly support, and the entire state of Illinois by screaming “Fuck You Gordon” every time the kid touched the ball? Whether it was right or wrong for him to renege on the commitment, whether it was right or wrong for Coach Sampson to “steal” him away, or whether either actually happened the way you choose to believe it did (or at all) is no longer the issue. The issue is now what a bunch of freakin’ derelicts the country views Illiniwek fans- and Illinois residents in general- to be, by your shouting obscenities at a 20-year-old kid because you can’t let go of something that has nothing to do with you in the first place.

Here’s an idea: instead of being pissed off at Gordon for changing his mind (and Sampson for “stealing” him), why not be pissed off at the Illiniwek basketball team (and your do-no-wrong hero, Coach Weber) for wallowing in mediocrity this season, and being unable to hit water by falling out of a boat, let alone their field goals or free throws? Or better yet, how about simply growing a little bit of maturity, decency, common sense, and sportsmanship, and just watch the game?

Support your team all you want. Scream until your larynx bleeds. Paint your balls orange and blue. Dress up like the Chief and try not to get escorted out of the Assembly Hall for three hours. Just don’t make me, as a resident of Illinois, look like a heathen because you’re an idiot with no toe hold on reality.

Dumb asses.

It’s the right thing to do

There is an article in today’s SJ-R about how the number of organ donors has increased since the first-person consent donor registry went into effect in 2006. It recalls the story of how a 23-year-old died from injuries suffered in an auto accident this past October, just three weeks after he signed up for the first-person consent registry. What that means is that, while it was a tragedy that this young man was killed, some good actually came from his death by allowing doctors to save the lives of at least 3 other people due to his donating his organs and/or tissue.

I am not a doctor or other medical professional. The closest I can get is that Mrs. Johann is a pharmacist, Johann Sr. (my dad) is a retired pharmacist, and I was a pharmacy technician for about 15 years. I have no “education” in the medical field (or any other, for that matter) other than real-life hospital work experiences. I have not done any research into statistics on organ donation, short of reading this particular SJ-R article, nor do I intend to, or really need to. I am simply speaking from my own heart and mind on this.

Sign up to be an organ donor, folks. It’s the right thing to do.

The biggest (and, frankly, the dumbest) argument I’ve heard against organ donation is the belief that “if they know you’re a donor, they’ll just let you die and cut you up and ’steal’ all your organs”. That’s idiotic. First of all, I recognize that there are doctors and facilities out there that view patients as statistics and want to “boost their numbers”. I’d be stupid to be blind to that. But the grand majority of health professionals in this country (short of cosmetic surgeons, perhaps, but that’s just this “writer” ’s opinion…) actually believe and follow their Hippocratic oath. They’re not just going to let a patient die so they can start doling out organs. I think people watch way too much “E.R.” and “House” and what not, and believe what they see. (Don’t get me started on that phenomenon… ba deeeee, ba dee dee)

There is a sense of urgency in that once the donor’s body dies and doctors are able to harvest organs, there is an extremely small window of time before the tissue essentially dies itself and becomes unable to thrive in its new host. Again, I have no stats here, but I’m not completely talking out of my ass here, either. There are so many people waiting on transplant lists, and so few acceptable donors out there. We need organ and tissue donations, folks.

Look, people, the bottom line is that you need to look at how much potential there is in being a donor. Maybe your donated organ or tissue will save a child’s life. And yes, if you’re in that bad of shape, any anonymous child’s life is more important than yours. Maybe your donated organ or tissue will be the one researchers used to discover or perfect the cure for cancer, or AIDS, or the common cold. (You actually can donate your body to science; my brother-in-law’s mother and stepfather are doing so when they pass away.) Not trying to spark a religious debate here, but regardless of one’s stance on “the afterlife”, one would have to feel pretty good, wherever they “are” in the cosmos at that point, knowing that they did such a good thing for their fellow man. I know I would. Or are you one of those assholes that expects strangers to donate to save you or your loved ones but you won’t donate to save them? Selfish little fucker, aren’t you?

Mrs. Johann already knows that if I’m ever in an accident and I die, or am only being kept “alive” by machines, that I expect and demand to have my “plug pulled” and for doctors to take whatever they can use. Being kept alive on a ventilator is not living. There is such a thing as “quality of life”. I mean, yeah, the person on that ventilator is “alive”, but who is truly benefitting from that? The patient? Their family? (I could make a whole new post on the selfishness of grief from death, but I won’t… yet…) I’ll just repeat the phrase: “quality of life”. If I no longer have it, but can possibly give it to someone else, let’s do it. Even if my donated parts don’t wind up saving anyone, I tried.

Please, people. Regardless of what you think of me or my rambling on this blog (or in comments on your or other people’s blogs), do the right thing. Sign up here and become an organ donor. Thank you.

Barbie™ is apparently Satan. Who knew?

Okay, I have to say something. I don’t want JDAB to become one of those blogs that wages an ongoing “war” on some other blog in some arch-enemy, good vs. evil thing, but I have to speak out on something in particular. Especially since he struck first blood on me a few days ago, so I’m just gettin’ him back.

Anyway, I know… this guy we’ll call “Tom”… who has a daughter whom he loves (and who loves him back) very much. In a recent post he was lamenting over putting together one of the many available Barbie™ luxury suites for Christmas for his daughter. We’ll call her “Rose”. I would have been fine with it if “Tom” would have just left it as an essay of that good ol’ parenting woe of “some assembly required” and how it requires intake of alcohol, which, of course, makes things that much worse. Trust me- I was up till after midnight Christmas morning because of those same three words.

But no, “Tom” went “there”. If I may quote from his blog:

First, it’s the unhealthy body image that the dolls promote. Now Mattel apparently is trying to further condition little girls to prepare for a life of servitude: “What a great kitchen! Because that’s all you’re good for: cooking and squeezing out bellyfruit!”

I get so friggin’ tired of hearing about the “evil Barbie™ empire” and the “unhealthy body image” that the dolls allegedly promote. It is a DOLL, folks. You want to talk about unhealthy body images, or even just unhealthy images period, for little young impressionable girls? Let’s talk about all the total fuck-ups in the entertainment industry alone that are paraded in front of us on a regular basis. How about Lindsay the Coke Whore Lohan? How about Paris the Just Plain Whore Hilton? Then there are the white-trash Spears whores sisters and the Anorexia Olsen twins. So these “real” women are better images to promote in one’s daughter than a Barbie™ doll? I’m sorry, I fail to see that logic. Bottom line, it’s my opinion that a child’s role model, male or female, should be his or her own parents. Not some celebrity, not some athlete (don’t even get me started on them), not some 16-inch piece of plastic, not even an unrealistically “wholesome” character on a television show. Parents should be the ones who mold their child into what they want them to be, and not expect someone else to do it for them. But then, I guess THAT would involve taking responsibility, wouldn’t it? For the record, I am not directing that at “Tom” specifically in the least. He and his wife done a great job with both their kids. It’s directed at the thought process in general. Kids are extremely impressionable, and I know that. THAT’S why I say it is so important for the parents to very diligently work at being the role models for their kids and not passing that job off on someone else. ANYONE else.

Secondly, regarding the body image specifically, that whole thing is stupid. As I said, it’s a frickin’ DOLL. And even if there IS something to that, why is Barbie™ the only one to blame? Skeletal, ribs-’n-hip-bones, 73-lb women are projected to us daily and are, for some insane reason, considered what is “beautiful” and/or what women {should} long to look like. Putting the blame solely on Barbie™ for that is a little like placing all the blame for steroids in baseball on Barry Bonds*. Well, all right, it’s actually nothing like that- Barry Bonds* should take 98% of the blame for that. Bad example (and shameless yet intentional dig on Barry Bonds*).

The point is that that’s not just Barbie™’s fault, and second, that the argument itself is ridiculous. Again, it’s up to the parents to let their daughters know that real women don’t look like Barbie™ or like most of the women they see on TV, thank God, and don’t have to to be beautiful or attractive. And how come there was never any outcry over the “unhealthy body image” (or at least unrealistic body image) that the He-Man action figures of the 80s possessed, for example? Or how at first, the Luke Skywalker action figures looked like an “average” guy, but now they’re all buff and shit. Nobody’s ever gone ballistic over that. To me, that lack of “outrage” suggests that people believe little boys are far more secure than little girls are. Go ahead, you angry commenters, unleash THAT argument– I triple-DOG-dare ya. But that’s just it: it’s a stupid argument. Barbie™ is nothing more than a conduit, and hence an easy target for femiNazis. (SIDE NOTE: the use of that term in no way infers that JDAB supports Rush Limbaugh; I just like the term because many are.)

As for the whole life of servitude thing, first of all, if that’s how a little girl wants her Barbie™ to be, then that is how she will play with her. If she wants her Barbie™ to be a pilot (and maybe even consequently wants to be a pilot herself), she will play with her as a pilot. If she wants her Barbie™ to be PotUS (and consequently wants to be PotUS herself), that’s how she will play with her. If she wants her Barbie™ to be strung-out gutter trash (hopefully, just to play…), that is how she’ll play with her. Secondly, and far more importantly, I hope “Tom” doesn’t consider someone that stays home to take care of the home and/or kids (housewife, Mr. Mom, domestic engineer, unemployed deadbeat, whatever you choose to call him or her) to be living a “life of servitude”. I know a few stay-home moms (and at least one stay-home DAD) that would take some very, VERY serious issue with that thinking.

Bottom line, I think people read WAY too much into Barbie™’s role in the grand scheme of life. Mattel is not some evil empire looking to make mongo-hootered but otherwise wafer-thin domestic slaves of little girls everywhere. It’s JUST A DOLL, people. Lighten up. Talk about looking for ways to be offended!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone

Today is Thanksgiving.

It’s a day of mega-overeating. The Johanns have two Thanksgiving dinners to attend today. Ooof! It’s a day of planning tomorrow’s 3AM attack — for those who are insane enough to go. No offense to anyone that is going, but I won’t go deal with all those idiots at all on the day after Thanksgiving- hell, if I don’t have to, I don’t set foot in the mall period until mid-January- I sure as shit am not going to get up in the middle of the friggin’ night to go.

Another rant for another time… sorry…

It’s a day of football. Today we’ve got Packers-Lions, Jets-Cowboys, and of course, don’t forget the Colts-Falcons game that is on the NFL Network, which is offered by only about 6% of the cable markets in the country, unless you’re willing to pay some mega-premium for the package — which means there’s about 700 people that get to watch that game.

Daniel-san- must stay focus!

Anyway, as I said, today is Thanksgiving. It is a day of giving thanks. It’s easy to be thankful for the Lexus and the Porsche and the timeshare in Boca Raton and the season tickets on the 45 and the corporate car and unlimited “business” spending account and the 75-inch plasma HDTV and all that other stuff that, expensive as it is, is completely worthless. It kills me when I see supposedly mature adults, on those “man on the street” type interviews on the news, say they are thankful for things like that, as though shit like that actually matters. That’s pathetic. We’ve become such a narcissistic, material, selfish, pretentious, completely freakin’ shallow society anymore.

Myself, I’m thankful for:

Family: I’ve got a beautiful wife, two great boys, my parents are both alive and in good health, my sister and brother each have a spouse and two kids, my in-laws are all doing well… and every last one of those people I listed is here in town and all within about 2-3 miles of Casa Johann. Even my 92-year-old grandmother is still with us. I’ve got terrific extended family spread throughout California, all of whom are doing quite well. That is enough to be thankful for each and every day. Life is good.

Friends: My good friend Doug (known by many as proprietor of Daddy O’s and one great bass-playin’ motherf…) has been my best friend for 21 years. He and I have literally been at our best and our worst together. There’s been, among other things, two marriages, a divorce, numerous breakups, several moves, countless fishing trips, and even more countless (um, what?!) gigs. I have another good friend Cindy in Florida- I miss her every day. You don’t necessarily need a lot of them, just make the most of those you have.

Freedom: We need to be extremely grateful for our military personnel- from those currently serving in Iraq to those who fought in the Revolutionary War. Millions of men and women have died protecting our freedom that we take for granted. It sounds very cliché to say that, I admit it, but it’s true. We haven’t always been in wars for “the right reasons” (another argument, another time), but our soldiers and sailors swore to protect you, me, this country, and our freedom, and were willing to die to do so. Thank you to all veterans and retired and current military personnel and National Guard members for keeping our country the greatest on the planet, regardless of all its problems (most of which are self-inflicted, but again, that’s for another time). My greatest wish is for all of you to get to be home with your families very soon.

Health: Everybody has the sniffles from time to time. Everyone has “a gassy chassis”, as my mother calls it, from time to time. The flu, a sinus infection, diarrhea, gonorrhea, whatever- everyone gets “sick” occasionally. But you know what? Get over it. A lot of people are stricken with cancer and MS and HIV and ALS and shit like that, for which we have no cures — YET — and are having their bodies wasting away. THAT is being sick. We need to consider ourselves very lucky we’re not hooked up to machines and tubes and what not- some aren’t as lucky. While we’re at it, let’s give some thanks for the fact we have a warm bed in a warm house in which to sleep. Let’s give thanks for the fact that we’re able to eat 1 or more very large meals today, that we’re able to eat any meals period. We’re not better than those who aren’t able — just more fortunate.

It’s all about perspective, mujeres y hombres. Think about what’s really, truly important in your life. If it’s homes and cars and electronic gizmos and other shit like that, I pity you. Your life is empty and so is your heart. Not to mention, your brain. If what truly matters to you are things like your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, etc., you are indeed blessed.

Enjoy your meal(s) today and savor the company of your friends and family. Tell them you love them. They (or you) could be gone tomorrow.

Here endeth the sermon. Talk to you all soon.