Pet Peeves II

Well, since AnonComm seems to think I need to make it a regular feature, and since I can’t come up with anything [original] about which to write, I’ve decided I’m going to make another partial list of my pet peeves.  Y’all may remember my post a couple weeks ago about more or less innocuous things that irrationally get on my naaarrrrves, though judging from the readership here lately, I’m the only one that even read it, let alone that remembers it.  Anyway, here’s some more.

|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|+|

Women in hats. I just don’t think hats are a good look on women- most of the time.  I give a pass to women in baseball caps when they are actually at a baseball game, but beyond that, I just don’t care for hats on women.  Sun hats, berets, cowboy hats (ESPECIALLY cowboy hats- they’re not a good look for ANYONE!), it doesn’t matter.  Now, to any women reading this that like wearing hats:  I’m not speaking ill of your character or even of your style or choice of wardrobe.  I’m simply saying I’m personally not fond of seeing women wear hats.  Certain women can occasionally pull off “the right hat”, but most of the time, I simply am not a fan of women in hats.  But then, I’m also not fond of women wearing ties either.  Or, for that matter, ANY “men’s” clothing.  Women wearing men’s suits or tuxes, not a good look.  A woman in a suit tailored for a woman, that’s perfectly fine, and often very sexy.  Women in a man’s suit, just don’t care for it.  Honestly, the only time I’m okay with a woman wearing men’s clothes is when a woman is wearing a man’s dress shirt and nothing else.  Sorry, I’m a pig and I admit it freely, but that look is HAWT.

Grossly (and, especially, intentionally) oversung versions of the National Anthem. It’s “The Star Spangled Banner”, people.  THE patriotic anthem of our country.  Show a little respect.  I want the song sung the way it was written and MEANT to be sung.  I don’t want some 17-minute extravaganza (looking at you, Whitney Houston) or hearing someone changing the arrangement and/or improvising a bunch of vocal exercises into it (looking at you, damn near everyone else nowadays).  It’s an extremely hard song to sing as it is- not many people can do it well- but don’t make things worse by trying to “make it your own”.  Keep your forced, fakey-sounding vibrato (“Oh say, can you seeyeeyeeyeeyeeyeeyeeyeeyeeyeee”) and your boo-da-la-dwee-dwee-doobee-doo-wahs inside and just sing the song.  Oh, and here’s a tip:  learn the goddamned words before you attempt to sing it, especially for a national or world-wide audience.  Unless you enjoy being called out for being the douchewaffle (-tte) you are for butchering it.

Baseball spectators that boo every damned thing. You’ve heard them.  They boo when a guy gets walked.  They boo when someone calls time out.  They boo when a pitcher throws to first for a pickoff attempt.  It’s all part of the game of baseball, toolbags.  Get over it.  And then there are those “special” fans that boo the very players they came to see.  ’Scuse me a moment while I clear my throat. AHEMCubsfansCOUGH.  Hey, it IS your right to boo anything or anyone you want.  But it’s also my right to tell you what a cockspank you are for doing so.  And another thing regarding baseball “fans”:  read, learn, and understand the friggin’ balk rule.  It is NOT a balk every time the pitcher fakes a throw– STOP SCREAMING “BALK!!” EVERY TIME!!  And don’t even get me started on people that try to get a wave going.

GEICO commercials. They were clever at first, a couple of them even funny.  After you’ve seen them a few times, they still made you chuckle a little.  Now they are just obnoxious and need to be destroyed.  The cavemen, the lizard, and especially the “Somebody’s Watching Me” money-you-could-be-saving-with-GEICO spots all make me spit nails.  The GEICO ads make the people that came up with the “Flo the Progressive Girl” campaign look like geniuses.  And what is it about Flo?  Men love her, women despise her.  I like her, and I have no idea why.  Anyway… those damned GEICO ads need to go… well, okay, all except the pothole ad.  I still like that one.  My youngest will come running from across the house when that ad is on and recite it word for word.  Cracks me up every time.  But the rest of them need to go.

Fake swearing. Anyone that knows me knows I am a potty mouth.  Check that- I possess a rather profane, vulgar vocabulary.  It’s not something of which I am proud, but it’s a part of who I am.  I really do try to be cognizant of my surroundings and company and be aware of times it’s not appropriate to swear (church, school functions, etc.), or people around whom I should watch my language (children, overly uptight people, etc.), but I do still use bad language pretty regularly.  I mean, it’s not like every third word I say is a swear word, but I do swear quite a bit.  That being said, there are times even I have been all, “dude- back off with the language” or when I have thought a particular movie was excessively gratuitous in the F-Bomb department.  Ne’er the less, since I swear as much as I do, hearing bad language typically doesn’t faze me in the least.  But here’s the thing- if you’re going to swear, then swear.  Otherwise, don’t even try.  You sound like an idiot.  Or a 10-year-old trying to be cool, or trying to see how much they can get away with in front of their parents.

One of the biggest offenders: “bullcrap”.  The word is “bullshit“.  If you can’t bring yourself to say “bullshit” or you’re in a position where you can’t or at least shouldn’t swear, then say “B.S.”.  That makes you sound so much respectable than when someone who is really pissed off says, “WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLCRAP!”  Might as well say “doodie”.

Another is any form of the F-Bomb that isn’t the F-Bomb.  Frig. Frick.  Frak.  Freak.  Fark.  Furk.  Fluck.  Or the  always adolescent-sounding Fudge.  (SIDE NOTE: Yes, I’m guilty of using “friggin’” and “frickin’” a lot here, but I have so few readers as it is that I don’t want to chase the last few of you away with too many F-Bombs.)  Also bad are “initializing” your cursewords.  Effing.  GD.  She’s such a B.  Really, saying “B.S.” for “bullshit” is the only “proper” way to abbreviate any form of cursing.  Otherwise, either say the word or find a different way to express yourself.  Again, there are times it is inappropriate to swear.  At those times, pick your words more carefully, or else swear under your breath.  Otherwise, if you mean to say it, just say it.

Until next time, fuckers.