Ooooooh. Aaaaaah. ZZZZZZZZZZ.

In case anyone missed it, yesterday was Independence Day. Happy 232nd Birthday, America!

Mrs. Johann, the little Johanns, and I decided to go downtown for the Capitol fireworks last night. I don’t mean to sound… I dunno… cynical (really, I don’t “mean” to; it’s just my nature), but the picture below pretty accurately captures the excitement of the fireworks display:

This year, the City decided to go with “close proximity” fireworks, which are designed to burst closer to the ground (hence, the name) and are said to somehow be safer, ironically. That meant that our usually prime spot on the Statehouse lawn pretty well sucked, due to the many trees in said lawn. I’m sure that there were some decent views from the lawn, but for us, most of the display was obscured by this one tree from which we were still a pretty good distance away. I’m guessing the people on the Courthouse lawn, and those actually sitting on Capitol Avenue at 2nd Street, had the best viewing opportunity this year.

Now obviously, the fact that we were mostly blocked by a tree was not the fault of the City, or the shooters, or anyone else. I wholeheartedly take the blame for that- I picked the spot, of all the places on the Capitol lawn that were unclaimed when we arrived around 8:15 or so. I guess I just figured that, even for “close proximity” fireworks, they’d still have gone higher than what they did. Live and learn.

The only thing was that, even if we would have had an unhindered view, the fireworks were pretty stinkin’ lame, to use my 7-year-old’s description. They simply lacked any… ooomph. Pizzazz. Moxie. Balls.

First of all, the bursts weren’t very large. I’m guessing that that was because of the whole “close proximity” thing- if they’re going to explode closer to the ground, then I guess it stands to reason that they won’t be as big, thereby reducing the amount of smoldering embers potentially falling back to Da Urf. But even so, the smaller bursts just didn’t have the flair of your “typical” fireworks burst. (Especially since we couldn’t see many of them…)

Secondly, and even more noticeably, they just weren’t very loud. Fireworks are supposed to be LOUD. (Remember this?) They’re supposed to hurt your ears. It’s supposed to feel like you’ve been kicked in your chest when they explode. Your ears should ring for two hours when they’re done. Even the M-80’s, or whatever you call the ones that make the single quick round flash and then go boom really loudly, didn’t. Hell, even the finale wasn’t very loud, nor were the other two clusters of a bunch that went off at one time. Don’t tell my youngest that, though. He had my noise-reducing headphones on and still was freaked out. Honestly, though, more than the “volume” of the fireworks, I think it was mainly just because it was so late and he had hit his “wall”, at which point he gets so tired and cranky that even a visit from Lightning McQueen, Buzz & Woody, or the Little Einsteins themselves wouldn’t make him happy.

Again, I don’t mean to be so negative, but the Johanns weren’t the only ones that left disappointed. I heard similar grumblings from several groups of people. Don’t get me wrong- I realize that admission is free, seating is pretty much first-come, first-served and “caveat emptor” (odd, considering admission is free, huh?), and what not, but I really hope, for the sake of the future success of the Capitol Celebration, that the City decides to go back to the higher altitude, in-your-face, testicularly fortified fireworks. If not, we’ll probably wind up going to Knight’s next year for their fireworks. At least you can hear them.