Happy Father’s Day

… to my dad and any and all fathers of any sort out there. Allow me to take today as a respite from my usual litany of cynicism and random ragging.

Yeah, right. Like THAT’D ever happen.

Days like Father’s Day are the reason for {at least some of} my cynicism and random ragging. Why? Because Father’s Day has long been treated essentially as what I call a “disposable” holiday. Kinda like Columbus Day- yeah, it “means something”, but the day really has no actual significance. Gotta love that double standard. Oh come on- if you don’t bend over backwards on Mother’s Day with flowers, candy, jewelry, expensive dinners, and what not, you’re an ungrateful little bastard child. And I’m not referring to my mom, or to Mrs. Johann, or to any other woman specifically- I mean on a “societal acceptance” level. You’ve all seen the Helzberg and Kay Jewelers commercials from a month ago- “this year, buy Mom the This Diamond Necklace Proves I Love You™ pendant”. Yet Father’s Day is basically a “buy him an ugly tie from K-Mart and then send him out to mow the lawn, change the oil on the cars, and unclog the toilet” kind of day. What gift idea commercials do they show for Father’s Day? DQ cakes in the shape of a necktie, Home Depot gift cards, and Craftsman tools. And most show the dad as essentially a fat lazy bastard asleep in a Barcolounger or hammock or whatever. Ah, play right in to those stereotypes that people SAY they are trying so hard to eliminate.

I guess SOME stereotypes are okay, huh?

It isn’t that I, as a father, or any other fathers out there, expect or necessarily even want a bunch of bling-bling ka-ching on Father’s Day; it’s the widely-accepted principle that women should receive everything they want and men are just along for the ride and don’t deserve shit, but rather should consider themselves extremely damned lucky to be kept around, let alone to actually receive anything. Why do you think so many men hate Valentine’s Day? Because it’s a contrived holiday on which the man is “expected” to buy flowers and expensive jewelry and surf & turf dinners- which apparently means prime rib and lobster tails, not a Big Mac and a Filet-O-Fish (who knew)- yet the woman is not similarly obligated to get him anything. She shouldn’t be “obligated” to get him anything, so why is he “obligated” to get her all sorts of cheesy gifts?

Again, most of your average men- or at least fathers, in this case- really don’t “want” to be showered with all manner of trinkets shiny and sparkly and electronicky per se. Myself, I’m perfectly okay with a “Happy Father’s Day” hug and kiss from my kids- which I got this morning. I’m just saying let’s even out the “importance” scale a little bit. Not all fathers out there are Al Bundy or Homer Simpson, just as not all mothers out there are June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable.

Ahem. Um, sorry.

Happy Father’s Day, guys.