Ban fireworks! Cancel Independence Day! My child needs sleep!

Once again, it’s time for my time-honored tradition of ripping apart one of the many writers of dumb-assed letters-to-the-SJR-editor. Today’s lucky winner is Mike Locke of Springfield. He bitch-eth thusly:

Fireworks not in harmony with festival

On Friday evening, from 7:30 to 9 p.m., I was in a battle of wills with my 15-month old daughter to get her to fall asleep. She was extremely tired but was fighting it just as hard. Finally, at 9 p.m., she had given up her fight and was laying numbly in my arms. I put her to bed and got started on some of the daily chores I had yet to finish up before going to bed myself.

I was sitting at the computer desk paying bills when at approximately 9:10 p.m. a war zone broke out in my backyard. I jumped up at the first explosion and ran to the back door to look out. As I stepped out onto the deck, I realized the explosions were fireworks being set off four blocks east of my house in Washington Park. The windows in my house were rattling and the house was shaking with each explosion.

I could not see a single firework in the sky, but I knew they were from the Carillon Festival, which was held at Washington Park this week, as I quickly remembered them from years past. Within minutes of the first three or four explosions, I felt my blood start to boil as I heard the screams of a 15-month old little girl. All I could do was pick her up and comfort her until the war was over about 25 minutes later.

The Springfield Police Department stated they had been receiving complaint calls from the moment the fireworks started going off.

I understand the Carillon Festival is an international event (I read that in the SJ-R last week) but I don’t understand taking an event which is supposed to be peaceful and soothing and ending the night with such ferocity. This has to be stopped!

Mike Locke
Springfield

How eloquent, yet utterly self-serving. First of all, Mr. Locke, the obvious: I have two kids, so I can relate. Hell, ALL parents have had troubles at some point getting their kids to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. But aren’t we being just the slightest bit overdramatic (”a war zone broke out in my backyard”)? Jeez, I thought I was the only one with a flair for making mountains out of molehills. Like I say, I know how frickin’ frustrating it can be trying to get an infant-slash-toddler to go to sleep (it doesn’t get any easier until they turn about 5, my friend), only to have them stirred awake, sometimes by the most incidental of things, and sometimes for the rest of the night. And I know how pissed I used to get when my kids were awakened by something by which they really didn’t “need” to be awakened (i.e. the fucksticks with the loud car stereos, for one example). But with all due respect, Mr. Locke- for God’s sake, stop being such a little bitch.

I will concede this much: I do find it a tad… I don’t know… odd, for lack of a better word, that they culminate a night of “peaceful and soothing” music with fireworks. Kind of like hockey players and teeth- the two terms just don’t really seem to belong together. But honestly, I don’t really care that they do it and, quite frankly, rather enjoy it. I’ll tell you this much: the Carillon Festival’s fireworks display is the best in town. (Yes, my dear readers that like to point shit like that out, that is solely my opinion.) The Johann family last went to the Carillon Festival two years ago, when my youngest was but one year old. The night we went just happened to be the night of the “ferocious” fireworks display afterward. My wee one sat with his hands over his ears the whole time [the fireworks were going off], but absolutely loved watching them. I gotta tell you, that particular fireworks display was THE best I have seen in this town or any other in many, many years. It was loud, it was “ferocious”, and it friggin’ rocked.

See, Mr. Locke, fireworks are supposed to be loud.

Actually, I wouldn’t have had any problem with this letter in the least- I would have passed it off as just another Grumpy Gary letter- were it not for that last line: “This has to be stopped!” Why, because YOU were inconvenienced? How typical. One person- or even a handful of people- out of thousands has a problem with something and takes it upon themselves to decide that that something needs to be eliminated. I shudder to think what you’ll want done to Gus Gordon the next time your child is awakened by thunder. Can’t speak for last Friday’s fireworks since I wasn’t there (though we did watch out the window the best we could with all the trees), but the year we went, there were at least hundreds of people that thoroughly enjoyed the “ferocious war zone”, as you called it. I guess their enjoyment means nothing to you. But then, why should it, right? As long as you get what YOU want, to hell with everyone else.

If you were brand new to Springfield, I could be willing to cut you a little slack. Heck, even if you were new to your “house in Washington Park”, I might even have a little bit of empathy for you, though probably not much. But since you said “I quickly remembered them from years past”, that means you knew about the Carillon Festival and you knew about the fireworks displays therein. Plus, you obviously at least receive the SJ-R (whether you actually read it or not is another story…), so you should have seen in the paper that the fireworks display would be occurring that night. I did…

Again, I can definitely relate when you say you had difficulty with your daughter getting to sleep and/or staying asleep. Honestly, though, I’d rather my kids were awakened by fireworks displays (or thunder or tornado sirens or F-16s or bad dreams or marching bands or just about anything) than by all the jackoffs who set off multiple entire bricks of firecrackers nightly from mid-May until what at least seems like about mid-August. You want to scream about eliminating something, how about eliminating those douchebags?! And the douchebags with the loud car stereos? And, just for good measure, how about eliminating the douchebag that should be residing in that big house on 4th Street but considers himself too good to live in a dump like Springfield? God knows his antics have kept me from sleeping well for the last nearly six years.

Bottom line is this: every parent’s child has been unceremoniously disturbed from the arms of Morpheus at some point, and every parent has endured countless sleepless nights trying to get their kids [back] to sleep. And as pissed off as it makes you, all you can do is try your hardest to get them back to sleep. Welcome to parenting, pal. Get over yourself.