Not My Fault, Volume XXVI

Big front page article in the paper this morning talking about how The People™ have spoken, bestowing upon the intersection of Hedley and White Oaks West the dubious distinction of Springfield’s Worst Intersection. It beat out such hopefuls as Lawrence and Chatham, Lawrence and MacArthur, and even Lawrence and Walnut. (Lesson One for driving in Springfield: stay off of Lawrence Ave., apparently.)

This came up somewhat last year when people went off the deep end bitching about how the MacArthur and the Walnut intersections at Lawrence Ave. need to be fixed because there have been so many accidents there.

Now, apparently, people feel that the intersection of Hedley and White Oaks West is even worse. I will concede that that intersection sucks, especially for those westbounders coming out of the White Oaks West shopping center parking lot. They, and the eastbounders trying to turn north, have virtually no shot of getting out, as almost nobody lets them out. Nor, however, is anyone required to.

Which leads me to the same result as last time:

Stay away from the damn intersection.

Folks, it is not the intersection’s fault it is where it is. It is not the intersection’s fault that the mean ol’ N<–>S drivers don’t let the poor oppressed W<–>E drivers out. It’s not the intersection’s fault people turn north onto WOW off of Wabash at about 45mph and then have to slam on their brakes to avoid butt-darting the guy trying to turn west onto Hedley because everyone has blocked everyone else from moving. It’s not the intersection’s fault, it’s not the City’s fault, it’s not the fault of the people that just bought the property on the northwest corner, the sale of which having apparently halted any chance of “fixing” the intersection. It’s not even Bush’s fault, strangely enough.

“Well, gosh, Johann, whose fault is it, then?”

I’ll tell you who, the same people whose fault all the accidents at apparently every intersection on Lawrence Ave. is: the drivers of Springfield.

*GASP and SWOON* “Ours?!”

That’s right, folks. Holy shit, folks, that intersection (Hedley/WOW) has been there for years, and has been unchanged for years. You all know it’s a shitty intersection. Stay away from it. There is absolutely nowhere in that area that anyone needs to be that they can’t get to a different way.

“But Johann, that would mean I’d have to drive two blocks out of the way!”

Yes, it would. Deal with it, asshole. Anyone going to Lowe’s, Circuit City, or the Sherwin Williams store at Koke Mill can turn in at the light there at Robbins Rd. Same with anyone going to the Thornton’s station once it opens back up this summer. People going to any of those little shops along WOW, or Break Time/Funny Bone, or County Market, Chili’s, Bone Spur, or anything else actually in the WOW shopping Center can go up Veterans to Iles and come back down that way. If you get stuck in the Hedley/WOW intersection, you have no right nor reason to complain.

It’s very simple, people. Take some damn responsibility. Stop looking to blame somebody else, anybody else, and/or everybody else for every little damn thing that happens to you. Sometimes, you simply bring it upon yourself. If you hate the intersection that badly, then AVOID IT. Yeah, you may have to drive an extra 1/8 of a mile, but T.S. Those are your choices. Either avoid the intersection or don’t bitch about how crappy it is once you’re caught in it.

Same with everyone ranting about the Lawrence/MacArthur and Lawrence/Walnut intersections (or any others). You know what the intersections are like and what potential dangers they present; either accept them or find a different route.

Or, now that I think about it, there is a third option: LEARN TO FRICKIN’ DRIVE. It’s called yielding the right-of-way, or just flat out yielding to someone else out of simple common courtesy, heaven forbid THAT happens. It’s called not blocking the intersection and subsequently blocking all other traffic from being able to move- in any direction. It’s called slowing down, especially in adverse conditions. It’s called obeying street signs and traffic signals. It’s called basically learning the damn rules of the road- they give away little pamphlets at all DMV locations; pick one up and actually read it. It’s especially called hanging up your goddamned cellphones, quit dicking around with your electronic device of choice or putting on makeup or shaving or reading fondling the mongrel/kitty snookems/road-head provider in your lap, whatever it is you do while driving, and pay some friggin’ attention to the world around you. Strangely enough, there actually are other people out there. By ceasing to be part of the problem, you have already taken a mammoth step toward becoming part of the solution.

Yes, some of the intersections in town are hazardous, or even dangerous. Some aren’t necessarily hazardous or dangerous near so much as just very poorly designed (Hedley/WOW; Lindbergh/Freedom Dr., etc.). But considering just how much the shitty drivers in this town contribute to these and all intersections being hazardous, dangerous, or simply irritating, I really don’t think you have the right to blame the City or landowners or everybody else- besides yourself, naturally, since it’s never YOUR fault- for the multitude of accidents, logjams, and bottlenecks that occur. They occur because of inattentive and just plain bad drivers. Again, several intersections in town DO need some serious work done; I recognize that. But until everyone in this town learns how to drive properly, I don’t care if you line the streets with mattresses and tires; drivers will still cause accidents. Drivers will always cause accidents.

In the mean time, or if you just flat out refuse to learn how to drive, then take a different route or shut up.  Oh, and get over the damn road rage.  You don’t have to pass out daisies at red lights, but good God, people, lighten the hell up.  Everyone out there has somewhere to go, someone to see, something to do, just as badly as you do.  You’re no more special than anyone else.