Irrefutable truths

Okay, so I don’t have an encyclopaedia’s worth of knowledge, but in my 40 years on this planet I have learned that there are some things that are simply fact (some, I don’t even know why they are, they just are) and can’t be disputed.

Though I’m sure some of you will dispute them anyway. Just because you can. Hmmmm… maybe that should be one too.

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• You have to spend {lots and lots of} money to make money. Especially in casinos. Nobody ever won $10 million playing nickel slots. Even the lottery- yeah, it only takes $1 to win, but it’s never that first dollar that wins.
• Gas prices are inversely proportional to how recently you last filled your tank. Two hours after you fill your tank, the price will have dropped 15 cents; conversely, the gas station you passed in the morning will have raised their price 25 cents when you return later that day to fill up.
• No matter how heinously loathsome someone is, even if criminally or sociopathically so, there will always be some dumb ass there to defend and/or support him or her.
• More people are concerned with the quality of their coffee than that of their children’s education.
• Never trust thin cooks, fat doctors (especially those that smoke), shop teachers with all their fingers, or any adult that says “like” way too often.
• Springfield, IL has the most shitty drivers per capita anywhere.
• Good-looking prostitutes, especially those with all their teeth, are cops. There are no whores anywhere that look like Julia Roberts, folks. Anyone who solicits a prostitute is an idiot already, but anyone who is arrested in a prostitution sting is a dumb ass. COROLLARY 1: Police “stings”, drug sweeps, speed traps, and seatbelt/DUI checkpoints are not entrapment. If you don’t want to be arrested/ticketed for it, don’t do it. COROLLARY 2: Not getting caught doesn’t make it right. COROLLARY 3: Just because the law and/or Constitution doesn’t specifically, explicitly spell out that it’s illegal to do something doesn’t make it legal, nor does it mean it’s your “right” to do so. (For example, neither the “right” to smoke nor the “right” to breathe clean air are guaranteed in the Constitution. Dumb asses.)
• Women who walk around with their tits spilling out of their tops forfeit all rights to be able to bitch about having their tits stared at. We’re men; we look. It’s just how we are, and you know that. If you didn’t want us to look, you wouldn’t put them out there. Or at least, you shouldn’t put them out there. A big “thank you” to those of you that do, but don’t act shocked and appalled at our reactions.
• Men who go overboard displaying how “manly” they are are usually at least one of these two things: A, only proving it to themselves, or B, trying desperately to stay in their own closet.
• People can create a conspiracy out of anything. And do.
• Be wary of people that do whatever “everyone else does” just because everyone else does it. Also be wary of people who always do exactly the opposite of whatever “everyone else does” just because everyone else does it.
• Whether right or wrong, your physical appearance and your wardrobe speaks about you. If you’re going to walk around looking like a slob/ghetto rat/prince(ss) of darkness/thug or have your underwear or your ass hanging out of your pants, you have to expect you’re not going to get taken very seriously.
• Washing you car actually can make it rain. However, deliberately washing your car so as to try to bring on rain doesn’t work.
• Some people are very quick to question or challenge any and all authority, rules, and laws- until it’s one in which they believe. (In other words, let’s see how many liberals denounce the President when one gets elected and screws up the country their way.)
• Three signs nobody seems able to believe without proof: “Wet Paint”, “Out of Order”, and “Occupied”.
• Society has become more concerned with protecting the rights of criminals and terrorists than those of any other group of people.
• Only human arrogance can cause supposedly intelligent people to believe that they have any impact on global warming, whether in causing it or stopping it.
• Just because someone is not 100% in favor of something does not automatically make them 100% against it, and vice versa. Most things in life are not “all” or “none”. Some are (and should be), most are not (and should not be).
• Virtue, integrity, honor, and a large penis: people who adamantly claim to possess any of these qualities usually don’t. Those who truly possess them don’t need to boast about it.
• “Innocent until proven guilty” is something only the judicial system owes you. The so-called Court of Public Opinion has no bearing, so that “Court” does not owe you the benefit of the doubt. Sure, it’d be nice if they gave it to you, but they do not owe it to you.
• Steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs have ruined baseball and nobody cares.
• Beware of ANY “extremist”. Liberal, conservative, religious, social, any of them. They’re all whack jobs.
• If you put it on the internet or in email, print it in the Enquirer, or show it on E!, someone will believe it.
• Most people believe everyone is entitled to their opinion- unless it clashes with their own, and then the other person is WRONG.
• No matter how well someone does their job, somebody else that has absolutely no involvement in it- as well as no knowledge of the job- will complain about it.
• People who scream for change the most are typically the least willing to do so.

And finally, my old standby undeniable truth, one that gets proven true almost every day:

It’s perfectly acceptable to be a racist as long as you aren’t white.