Up in smoke

Ah, once again, the “intelligent” folks that post their views on the SJ-R.com message boards have shown what complete idiots they all are.

First of all, there is self-proclaimed know-it-all, nothing better to do with his time, frequent Letter to the Editor writer Frankford Milf or whatever his name is, showing what little brain matter he actually possesses by spouting off about what nerve Ron Paul has still being in the Presidential race when he (Dr. Paul) doesn’t believe in allowing women the “freedom to control her reproductive options”. When, exactly, did dismembering and murdering an unborn child become a “reproductive option”? Dumb ass. Not to mention the idiot that jumped to Milf’s defense by stating that “the term ‘unborn child’ is an oxymoron”. Nice. If that wo/man has kids, I’m sure they’d be thrilled to know that they were not considered a “child” until they were actually born. Gee, thanks, Mom & Dad!

Next, we’re but a week into the 2008 baseball season and the whole “the Cubs are better than the Cardinals/nuh-uuuuuuh” and “Cardinal fans are better than Cub fans/nuh-uuuuuuh” debates are already in full force, with both sides making themselves look like fools, as always. Note to idiot Cardinal fans: don’t get too cocky just yet; it’s the 6th game of the season. There’s still six months of baseball to be played. You’d all get downright pissy if the Cubs were 5-1 and the Cardinals were 3-3, and the Cub fans started a “we’re in first place, nanner nanner nanner” superiority dance like you’re doing. Remember, it doesn’t make a damned bit of difference who is in first place the first week in April, or even the first week of September; what matters is who is in first place the first week of October. Oh, and enjoy Pujols while he’s still got some elbow left- once it tears all the way, he’ll be done, unfortunately. Note to idiot Cub fans: every year you guys say the Cubs have what it takes to win it all. It’ll be 100 years this year; do you really think anything will be different? Truthfully?! All of you need to get over yourselves. Ain’t a one of you that has any control over (or, for that matter, any real stake in) who finishes higher than whom, and if it affects your life as much as you all make it look like it does, you really need some therapy. Badly.

And in case you’re wondering, I’m a Cardinals fan who’s just damn happy the Cardinals are not 1-5 or worse, like they really should be, considering they have a very shaky rotation that had one good week, and also a superstar who very possibly will blow his elbow the rest of the way and suffer a probably career-ending injury, cutting short what was likely to be a potentially Hall of Fame-worthy career. In other words, I’m a baseball fan with the proper perspective with regard to his favorite team.

However, the idiots I’m referring to this time are the idiots bitching over the “smoking ban” and its enforceability (or lack thereof).

Look, folks, I admit it, I used to smoke. Now I know that a lot of people say that ex-smokers are far worse about {tolerating smoking} than non-smokers, and that may be true, but it also gives ex-smokers the ability to speak on behalf of both sides of the issue, since they’ve actually been on both sides of the issue. Therefore, I’m going to do so.

Let me start by saying that, when I smoked, I did smoke in restaurants basically because it was allowed. However, I wasn’t one of those smokers you’d see with a fork in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I usually would smoke one when I sat down, and one after I ate. I never smoked in anyone’s house or car unless they were smokers, and even then, I still asked for permission. I wasn’t perfect about it by any means, but I at least made an effort to be as unobtrusive with it as a smoker can be.

Bottom line, however, dear smokers, you’re in a restaurant for roughly 45-90 minutes on the average (that’s my estimation; I don’t have the friggin’ data, so shut up)–if you can’t go an hour and a half without a friggin’ smoke, good Lord.

Now, as an ex-smoker, I must admit that it is quite refreshing, pardon the pun, to go to a restaurant now and be able to enjoy my lunch or dinner without tasting smoke in every bite. The family Johann went to St. Louis for a long weekend over 186’s spring break, and it was quite a culture shock dining out when we were reminded that Missouri is not smoke-free, now that we’ve gotten so used to it here. But, even though Mrs. Johann has mega-allergies and asthma- not to mention because of the fact that it’s legal in Missouri- we dealt with it.

But here’s the thing- both sides of this issue have gripes but neither seems to know how to put them across intelligently.

Non-smoker: “We’re being denied our {constitutional} right to be able to eat (drink, bowl, throw darts, gamble, whatever) in clean air.”

Go to the official website of the U.S. Constitution and show me where it guarantees your right to clean air. One would like to think they should be able to eat in a smoke-free environment, but nowhere in the Constitution are you guaranteed that. Dumb ass.

Smoker: “We’re being denied our {constitutional} right to smoke.”

This one is even better. Go to same said website and show me where it guarantees your right to smoke. Dumb ass.

In either case, we’ve raped and sodomized the Constitution so badly the last few decades that that argument is ridiculous no matter what “right” someone thinks they are guaranteed. Basically, because it doesn’t spell out in the Constitution that one isn’t guaranteed a certain “right”, people just spin that around in their mind to mean that they are. The Constitution doesn’t say that you can’t rabbit-punch police officers, but I’m fairly certain you have no guaranteed right to do so. Use a little bit of common sense, folks.

Since some of you obviously don’t possess it, “common sense” means “sound practical judgment that is independent of specialized knowledge, training, or the like; normal native intelligence“. (Courtesy of dictionary.reference.com.) Something completely lost upon some of you.

That being said, I do feel that private businesses should be able to decide for themselves whether they will allow smoking or not. If they want to take the risk of losing the business of the holier-than-thou non-smokers, I say, let them. Look at all the little neighborhood bars, for example. The majority of people that frequent places like them, smoke. In other words, people that go to a BAR to DRINK, also smoke. I’m not putting any value judgment on them for doing so; it’s simply a fact. Hell, there are people that say they only smoke when they drink. (Yeah, I was in denial like that before, too.) As long as it’s a privately owned business, then I have no problem with said establishment allowing smoking if they so choose. As a non-smoker (”non-smoker”, “ex-smoker”; that’s all semantics- I don’t smoke, therefore I am a non-smoker), I can either go to those establishments and deal with the smoke or I can go to a non-smoking place. (Or just stay home, which is what I usually do. The whole bar experience sucks anyway, in my opinion.) I think there should be smoke-free places where non-smokers can go without worry of second-hand smoke (ahhh, THAT good ol’ buzzword) and reeking of same, but I also think there should be smoking places where smokers can go without having to freeze to death outside (more on that later) or have to listen to non-smokers bitch about how smoky it is in there. Hey, if smokers want to suck themselves to an early grave, I say, let them. But they should still be allowed to do it in comfort and in peace, too.

Bottom line, regardless of what non-smokers say, I am cognizant of the fact that the smoking ban can threaten (and, in some cases, has really threatened) some small businesses. I just don’t see that it’s up to the government to tell a private business they can’t allow smoking in their establishment. Same with helmet and seat-belt laws- I think everyone should wear them, but I don’t think it’s up to the government to tell us we have to. Hell, it kind of thins out the herd, when you think about it- just like allowing places to decide their own smoking policies.

Now the whole bowling alley and casino thing, I’m a little torn on. With bowling alleys, a lot of people that bowl, smoke. I’m honestly all right with smoking being permitted in the lounges, especially since you can buy beer from the little window in the main bowling area. You’re allowed to drink at the lanes themselves, so unless you’re just dying to hear the Quiet Riot cover band playing in the lounge (like you can’t hear them anyway), you don’t have to go in there at all for your adult beverage of choice. Yeah, you can still smell the smoke at the little window, but it’s only for the few minutes that it takes the bartender to pour or mix your drink. Deal with it. But, I’m still all over the fact that smoking is prohibited in the main bowling area. I really love rolling a 62 in clean air.

Same with casinos. Some people smoke when they gamble, and not just the little old grandmas that have smoked for 62 years and are playing the one-armed bandits. Hoidy-toidy high rollers (and high roller wanna-be’s) like to smoke when they gamble as well, especially the big fat shtanky cigars. I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed a good cigar now and again, but let’s face it- “good” or not, cigars really, REALLY stink. Most all casinos and gaming boats have at least 2-3 levels/floors, if not more, so they can designate one or two as smoking and have the rest be non-smoking. If someone is smoking on a non-smoking level, kick ‘em out. But then if a non-smoker wanders on to a smoking level, they have no right to bitch. See how simple that is?

Oh, and don’t tell me about the whole ventilation thing. You non-smokers that contend that there is no way to completely purify the non-smokers’ air, even from a completely closed off smoking area, are the same people that will eat en el aire libre as cars, trucks, buses, and cabs go zipping by six feet from your table. Are the carcinogens coming from smokers really that much worse than those coming from exhaust pipes? I think not. I know that the whole “green cars” thing is a whole other can of the ass-whip, but clean air is clean air, and dirty air is dirty air. You’re just targeting smokers because they’re far easier bullied than are auto manufacturers.

Bottom line to the smokers: first of all, have a little common friggin’ courtesy for people that don’t smoke. You chose to smoke, whereas they chose not to smoke; therefore, they shouldn’t have to breathe it. As far as the whole smoking outside thing goes, life sucks. You’re now relegated to smoking outside, 15 feet from the entrances to and exits from buildings. Boo hoo, deal with it. Stay the 15 feet or whatever distance it is away, and for God’s sake, don’t just throw your butts on the ground. Not only are you polluting the air, you’re polluting the ground. Many places have ashcans or other proper smoking refuse containment systems; USE THEM. Or better yet, just quit. The Man taxes the shit out of cigarettes and then tells you you can’t smoke them anywhere in public but still sells them to you, so why give them the satisfaction, as well as your hard-earned money?

Bottom line to the non-smokers: do you have to be so friggin’ uptight and self-righteous and indignant about it? You “won” the fight. Move on. Before too long, the smokers will all be dead or too poor to afford cigarettes anyway. But there again, don’t sit outside and bitch about cigarette smoke while we still have the whole grander-scale exhaust fumes thing to deal with. Bigger fish to fry and all. Besides, like I said, you “won”; stop pummeling the long-expired equine.