Don’t eat the yellow snow

That could easily be considered a pretty good tip. It’s short and sweet, it’s sound advice, and it’s common sense.

It could also be considered a pretty shitty tip, if you’re a waiter or waitress. I have left that as a tip before. Written on a napkin, typically.

Today’s cannuva da ass-whip is about tipping. Not cow-tipping, not tractor-tipping, not Q-tips, not fingertips, not tip of the iceberg, not tip back a few pints, but plain and simple tipping. As in, at restaurants and such. There was discussion today about tipping on ESPN Radio, of all places, about tipping, of all things. The concept of tipping is not as “simple” as people try to make it.

First of all, let me first say that I understand that it is a grind being a waiter. (Essentially for the sake of saving keystrokes, the use of the word “waiter” or “waitress” below implies neither gender over the other, but simply means “person who waits tables”. So save me the PC speech.) Anyway, I cannot speak from experience, as I have never waited tables before, but knowing several people that do and/or have, I have heard enough tales of horror and/or woe about being wait staff to be able to make the assumption that it’s not exactly the most appreciated vocation out there. And, I also understand that better looking waiters/waitresses do tend to get more than the… not as better looking ones. The hotties with double-D’s make more than the uggos. Hooters girls make more than the so-called “hash-slingers” at greasy spoons. It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. Nobody said life is fair, folks. I admit, I’m guilty of that as well. I tipped the shit out of a waitress at the Union Station Hooters in St. Louis once for really no other reason than because she was gorgeous, she was stacked, and she sat down and talked to me. (It was 11:30 in the morning and I was literally the only customer there. Write your own fantasy from that point on, if you must; she was simply bored, that’s all. Nothing more.)