I guess I’m not a “patriot”

Or at least not a fan of their representative NFL franchise. So sue me.

Okay, so the New England Patriots went 16-0 this season. Good for them, hasn’t been done since the ‘72 Dolphins, blah blah blah blah blah, whoop-dee-shit. Can we please move on? Their bandwagon seems to be pretty well loaded down, what with carrying the entire staff of ESPN and all for so many years now, especially since they got to about 7-0 this season, and the “will they or won’t they” story line was about all that ESPN could or would talk about. Then once they beat the Colts in Week 9, the ESPN anchors continued their Patriot lovefest by pretty much anointing them at that time as Most Likely To Finish Undefeated.

All right– a little side note here- what is with the mancrush everyone seems to have on Tom Brady? He is NOT that good looking, people. There are far better looking guys in the NFL to have mancrushes on than Tom Brady.

Anyway…

Now don’t get me wrong- they’re obviously a very good team with a great nucleus of players, many of whom have been with them for a while now. The addition of Randy Moss, despise him as I do, was huge for Moss, for Brady, and for the entire team. I still say the guy’s an asshole, but I’ll give credit where it is due. He’s apparently finally learned how to act like a team player (and a friggin’ adult for that matter) somewhere along the way, and he’s finally starting to be able to let his talent speak for him rather than the idiotic things he says and does, on and off the field. But then, don’t get me started on that tangent.

Thing is, the Patriots really aren’t 16-0 good. They’re good enough that they’ll probably wind up winning the damn Super Bowl- again- but they’re not as good as 16-0 suggests. There’s an old saying that goes,”Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good”. That certainly sums up the Patriots at times this season.

• Week 1 @ NYJ- 38-14. Not exactly a fair fight. Kind of like Shaq vs. Muggsy Bogues in a dunk contest. Of course, this was the “infamous” Spy-Gate game where the Patriots got caught filming the Jets’ bench. As if they needed to. Just goes to show that the Patriots are not only good, they’re also dumbasses.
• Week 2 vs. SD: 38-14. Much better team than the Jets, but again, not in the Patriots’ league, so to speak.
• Week 3 vs. BUF: 38-7. Pretty much like playing the All-Girls School for the Blind.
• Week 4 at CIN: 34-13. The Bengals should have been a lot better than what they were this year, but they didn’t give much of a struggle either.
• Week 5 vs. CLE: 34-17. The Browns actually are a pretty darned good football team. They ultimately wound up missing the playoffs due to Tennessee beating the Colts last night, but at any rate, this was the first even remotely “good” team New England faced this year, and it still wasn’t much of a game.
• Week 6 at DAL: 48-27. I have to say, I was torn on this game. I don’t like the Patriots, but I don’t like the Cowboys more. Plus, the Cowboys have Terrell Owens, and he is a cancer to the sport, so I can’t support him or any team he plays for. This game was [over]hyped as the Battle of the Juggernauts of their respective conferences, but again, not much of a contest.
• Week 7 at MIA: 49-28. Come on- it’s the Dolphins. Snoop-Dogg’s kid’s team probably would have a better shot of beating the Patriots.
• Week 8 vs. WAS: 52-7. People bitched and whined about this game because Belichick was “running up the score” by leaving Brady and his stud receivers in the game for so long. Hey- the Redskins LET them run up the score, so why shouldn’t they? My brother even went so far as to say that “good taste would dictate taking your stars out”, which made me laugh my ass off. Since when does good taste have or ever have had ANY place in professional sports? The Patriots just simply dominated the other team, who allowed it to happen.
• Week 9 at IND: 24-20. This was THE [over]hyped game of all [over]hyped games. The 8-0 Patriots vs. the 7-0 Colts, in what many were calling the “Super Bowl”, as in whoever won this game will win the Super Bowl 3 months later. Well, the Patriots still prevailed somehow- barely, and they should have lost- but once they finally faced a good team, they showed the world that they’re fallible. Psssst- Tom… Peyton’s better than you.
• Week 10 BYE. The riders of the Patriots Love Train had to suffer through the bye week by sitting in their beanbag chairs with their bag of Cheetos, staring longingly at their Tom Brady Fathead graphics. ‘Nuff said.
• Week 11 at BUF: 56-10. All right, that’s just wrong.
• Week 12 vs. PHI: 31-28. Ooooh, big time scare from Donovan McNabb and company. They were down 28-24 about halfway through the 4th quarter, scored to make it 31-28, then a couple of late interceptions sealed the deal, but they skated out of there by the skin o’ their teeth. Stupid Eagles. Nothing like snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory.
• Week 13 at BAL 27-24. The Patriots did not win this game- Baltimore lost it. A stupid, STUPID timeout call from the Ravens bench and a still, in my mind, questionable Brady-to-Gaffney TD pass with 44 seconds left sealed the Raven’s fate in this game, one of a few that demonstrated my “better to be lucky than good” argument.
• Week 14 vs. PIT: 34-14. The Steelers just played like shit. Period. Plus it didn’t really help that Steelers safety Anthony Smith guaranteed a victory. Haven’t you idiots learned by now that Joe Namath got lucky?
• Week 15 vs. NYJ: 20-10. The Patriots seemed to be off their game, pardon the cheesy cliché, but it was against the Jets, so like it really mattered.
• Week 16 vs. MIA: 28-7. Again, not like it’s a real opponent. Big deal.
• Week 17 vs. NYG: 38-35. Yet another game where the other team lost the game as opposed to the Patriots winning it.

But folks, look at that schedule- granted, they did win every game, but they only played 4 playoff-caliber teams (5, if you count Cleveland who just barely missed the playoffs). They’re in a super-weak division (the Bills, the Jets, and the Dolphins- please!). I guess when you are the “Chosen” team, you can get by with a cupcake schedule. Yeah, they went 16-0 and they are the clear favorite to sweep the playoffs and win the Super Bowl. Good for them. But they have now joined the Cowboys as the Yankees and Red Sox of the NFL.

As in, teams that one should never root for ever, genius. EVER.

Apparently I’m the only football fan that doesn’t like seeing the same team win every single freakin’ year. I hate dynasties. Absolutely de-SPISE them. (Other than the Montana-Rice-Young 49ers of the 80’s and early 90’s, but that’s different. Why? Because I said it’s different. Bite me.) The Patriots are the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of the NFL. What I mean by that is, their opponents are so unfairly matched against them that you can’t help but root against them (the Patriots; Arnold’s character), even though you know the ultimate outcome. Oh come on- like I was the only one that started wanting the Predator to kick Arnold’s ass after a while.

Anyway, yeah, the Patriots are a good team, but they haven’t really played many good teams either. Maybe it IS true- maybe they are just that much better than everyone else. But I refuse to admit to that, especially looking at that lace doily of a schedule. They still have three games to win, and if someone can somehow put on a pair and knock the Patriots off, they’ll be done, which would make it that much better. If you’re going to beat the big guys, make it count.

So have a Happy (and prosperous and safe) New Year, everyone, and those of you out there who are University of Chief Illinwek fans, look at it this way- they made the Rose Bowl. That’s a huge accomplishment far and above what pretty much anyone thought they could do. But they’re going to get sodomized tomorrow. Bad. But then, is there a “good” way of getting sodomized?

Happy New Year everyone! See you in 2008!