Ayes of the needle

So the Mitchell report on steroids in baseball was released today.

20 months and 40 million dollars found out that steroids has been a problem in MLB over the last roughly 2 decades.

The hell, you say.

Anyone who hasn’t been in a freakin’ wormhole for the last 2 years knows that much. This report (I haven’t read it myself, but I’ve listened to the talking heads babble about it enough that now I’m an “expert” too, at least as much as they “are”) really was nothing more than two hours of “been there, done that” followed up with completely ambiguous and painfully obvious “recommendations of what needs to be done” to attempt to “clean up America’s pastime”. Then Butt Selig gets up and refuses to include himself in the long distinguished list of who is to blame. To be fair, I haven’t heard anything about the MLBPA’s response, but considering they’re a union, I don’t give two shits what they have to say.

I have a whole lot to say about this whole situation, but it’s late, I had a rough night at work, and I’m going to bed. So my bitchslaps will come soon in the form of another post, likely well after this is “old news”, but I will still take my opportunity to lash out at any and all culpable dickwads as I see fit.

Speaking of dickwads, here is the first batch of what is sure to be a friggin’ HUGE list of players that apparently and/or allegedly have been outed for their steroid use. Some are no-brainer guilty (Barry Bonds*, Roger Clemens, Eric Gagne, Lenny Dykstra, Matt Williams, and of course, Jose Canseco), some it kind of makes more sense about now (David Justice, Hal Morris, Mo Vaughn, Rick Ankiel, John Rocker, Paul Byrd), a couple are a bit of a surprise (Andy Pettite and Fernando Vina?!), but most of these guys fall into one or both of two main categories: the “So That’s How You Made the Major Leagues” category (Chuck Knoblauch, Glenallen Hill, Larry Bigbie) or the “Who Are/Were You Again?” category (Nook Logan, Josias Manzanillo, F.P. Santangello, most everyone else). The report said that all 30 teams had at least one member busted out. See if you can pick out your favorite team’s Douchebag Hall of Shame representative(s).

Listed alphabetically:

Chad Allen
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Mike Bell
Gary Bennett Jr
Larry Bigbie
Barry Bonds*
Kevin Brown
Paul Byrd
Jose Canseco
Mark Carreon
Jason Christiansen
Howie Clark
Roger Clemens
Jack Cust
Brendan Donnelly
Chris Donnels
Lenny Dykstra
Matt Franco
Ryan Franklin
Eric Gagne
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Jerry Hairston Jr
Matt Herges
Phil Hiatt
Glenallen Hill
Darren Holmes
Todd Hundley
David Justice
Chuck Knoblauch
Tim Laker
Mike Lansing
Paul LoDuca
Nook Logan
Gary Matthews Jr
Josias Mazanillo
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Bart Miadich
Hal Morris
Denny Neagle
Jim Parque
Andy Pettite
Adam Piatt
Todd Pratt
Stephen Randolph
Brian Roberts
John Rocker
Adam Riggs
F.P. Santangelo
David Segui
Scott Shoeneweis
Mike Stanton
Miguel Tejada
Derrick Turnbow
Ismael Valdez
Mo Vaughn
Fernando Vina
Ron Villone
Rondell White
Jeff Williams
Matt Williams
Todd Williams
Steve Woodard
Kevin Young

Like I said, I will eventually get around to adequately degrading all these pansy-assed, integrity-free, they’ll-apparently-let-anyone-stick-anything-in-their-asses wastes of humanity as well as everyone else necessary, but right now I’m going to bed. It’s been a rough day, and the next two don’t really promise to get any better.

UPDATE 12-16-2007:  You know what, screw that.  The piece of shit juicing bastards listed above aren’t worth my wasting time on.  I’m not sure what’s worse- the players that used, the owners and managers that enabled and/or hid it, or the fans that aren’t outraged by it or, worse yet, somehow excuse or justify it.  So it’s probably best I just leave it at that.  I know they’re douchebags, you know they’re douchebags, hell, even THEY probably know they’re douchebags (they should, anyway); no sense in beating yet another dead horse.

Besides, y’all know I can’t keep my mouth shut for too long, so I’m sure I’ll have more to say about it eventually anyway, especially as the 2008 season draws closer.  Until then, I’m not going to waste the keystrokes on these pendejos.