Heinously Butchered Word(s) of the Week

Today’s edition of HBWW apparently has a theme: apostrophes. But it also has to do with homophones. Or are they homonyms…?! I can’t ever remember which is which; all I know is that there are a lot of people that don’t know when to use the following words properly:

YOUR: a possessive pronoun referring to something belonging to you, as in:

“Put your boots in the closet.”

YOU’RE: a contraction meaning “you are”, as in:

“You’re an asshole.” (I seem to hear that a lot for some reason.)

Are these two words THAT difficult to differentiate?! I can’t believe the number of times I see “YOUR” erroneously substituted for “YOU’RE”. Mostly in emails and things on the internet, but you’ll also see them on marquees and signs on local businesses occasionally as well. Similarly:

THERE: indicates location of a person or object, as in:

“I see two empty seats together over there.”

THEIR: another of those “tricky” possessive pronouns, referring to something belonging to “them”, as in:

“The neighbors’ kids quickly wore out their welcomes.”

Ah, but then there is:

THEY’RE: a contraction meaning “they are”, as in:

“If the Cubs aren’t careful, they’re going to lose their lead.”

These three words are all too oft misused as well. Usually it’s “there” when someone means “they’re”, or “their” when they mean “there”. Either way, ugh. Then there is also:

ITS: a genuinely “tricky” possessive pronoun, meaning something belonging to “it”:

“The bear was licking its lips.”

IT’S: a contraction meaning “it is”, as in:

“It’s a shame how many people misuse these words.”

Finally, the saddest infraction involving apostrophes is seeing the number of times people put apostrophes in plural words. I would almost excuse it–based on the fact that, for example, “dog’s” could either refer to something belonging to the dog, or it could mean “the dog is”–but it happens so frequently that it crossed the line from occasional oversight to just laziness and/or stupidity long ago. Best (worst?!) example is at an insurance place on Wabash that shall remain nameless, simply because I don’t know ITS name. There is a marquee out front that reads something like:

“Who will win? Cubs fan’s? Cards fan’s? We insure them both!”

I look at that and say, they insure a Cubs fan’s what?! Car? House? Crying towel? Yes, it does matter, people. Not only is the meaning unclear, but it makes the person that put up the sign- and frankly, the insurance company as well- appear not very intelligent and, consequently, not worthy of my business. As I said, it does matter. It’s one thing to see it in emails and hand-written things, but it’s quite another when it’s on a sign, flyer, or other item that represents a business, service, candidate for office, or whatever. I see emails at work that go agency-wide that regularly contain these and other similarly heinous errors- some out of my own office. College graduates many of these people are, and they make themselves appear unable to properly form a sentence. Scary.

I do not claim to have 100% grasp on English, grammar, or spelling at all- I make PLENTY of mistake’s- but if I can help stop even one more person from making such… well, stupid… errors, then it is worth all the negative comments I’m sure to draw by posting HBWW.