Heinously Butchered Word of the Week Sports Edition

To continue on with my new feature, we venture into the world of sports.

When I was a kid, I never understood why athletes were portrayed as (and thought of as) stupid. As I got older, it was pretty easy to figure out. Many of them are stupid. If they’re not, then they are Oscar-caliber actors. Many of them have me fooled. At any rate, I could devote an entire blog to all the idiotic things players, broadcasters, coaches, etc., have said- and another for all the things they’ve done- so I’ll just bring up the ones that usually stand out most for me.

ATHALETE: apparently at some point in the recent past, the word “athlete” was given a third syllable. You’ll hear this one every single day if you listen to 1450AM, where they spotlight “a different high school athalete” each week. It’s like fingernails on the chalkboard.

ILLIANI: (ih-lye-uh-nye) broadcasters around here seem to like to give this word an extra syllable as well. The word is actually “Illini”, which is the mascot for the University of Illinois sports teams. Well, actually, not anymore, since the Political Correctness Pansy Ass Gestapo Douchebag Assface Dickhead Treehugger We’re-SO-much-better-than-everyone-else Patrol destroyed the use of “Illini” or of Chief Illiniwek, but that’s another issue. Bitter? Oh, a tad.

SOUTHMORE: Midwestern term for a 10th grader. It’s “sophomore”, genius!!! And even though it LOOKS like it should be pronounced “soff-O-more”, it isn’t. Keep your extra syllables to yourself. It’s “soff-more”. And on a side note, when did 9th graders become “frosh”?! Where the hell did “frosh” came from?! I can remember being in high school and the head football coach talking at a pep rally… he actually addressed the “frosh football squad”. Um, who?!

Other sport-related things I don’t get…

…why we say “runs batted in”, but we abbreviate it as “RBI’s”? Shouldn’t it be “R’sBI”?

…why, if you’re in the sports business, days of the week suddenly lose that final “A”? Only in the sports realm will you so regularly hear “Mondy, Tuesdy, Wednesdy…” etc. Doesn’t matter what sport, doesn’t matter what level. In sports, days of the week become dys of the week.

…why Cubs fans get SO bent out of shape when you rip on Ron Santo’s broadcasting “abilities”? Have they not ever actually listened to him?! He’s horrible, and NEEDS to be ripped upon. He makes Mike Shannon sound like friggin’ Einstein. And Shannon’s pretty brutal himself. I can appreciate your loyalty to Santo as a player, Cub fans, but as a broadcaster, he sucks ass. Hard. With a loud slurping noise. Not just his sodomizing of the language, but just his speaking in general. Never thought I’d miss Harry that badly.

Speaking of Mike Shannon, I was listening to the Cardinals-Astros game the other night, and he kept pronouncing Brad Ausmus’ name “Oss-moss”. Over and over and over. You could even tell after a while that Rooney was TRYING to subtly correct him and he still kept saying “Oss-moss”. Is “aws-muss” that hard to say?! Have another ice cold refreshing Budweiser, Moon Man.

And finally…

SOCCER: it just kills me, the number of people that mispronounce such a simple word. Maybe it’s the double-C that throws people. It’s properly pronounced “a boring game that mostly only appeals to 6-year-olds, foreigners, and people who live more than 500 miles from any MLB, NFL, and NBA franchises”.