Can we please move on now? *

So Barry Bonds has broken the all-time home-run record. Too bad at least a quarter of them were aided by steroids. That really taints the record- a record that many consider one of if not the “most hallowed of all records in sports”. (Obviously that’s another debate for another time.)

Barry Bonds took steroids. Plain and simple. All you bleeding hearts can save your “there’s no proof yet” and “innocent until proven guilty” bullshit- he did steroids. You know it, I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. Steroids, HGH, probably both. If you’re not going to believe the visual proof comparing his size when he was in Pittsburgh (or even his size when he first went to San Francisco) to his size now, believe the other stats. Folks, his head size grew. His shoe size has increased from 10 1/2 to 13. That’s 2 and a half sizes, people. That does not happen in your 30’s and 40’s without “help”. Plus, his “best friend” (the one that helped supply him with his smack) Greg Anderson would rather sit in jail than to rat on Bonds? Great exhibition of loyalty, but a colossal display of stupidity. With friends like that…

And why did he take steroids? Ego. He can’t handle not being “the best”. He is the best in his own mind, but he has to try to convince everyone else. He was insanely jealous of Mark McGwire getting so much press for the 1998 pursuit of Roger Maris’ single-season HR record, a pursuit which is also tainted by McGwire’s use of something. No, we have no proof, but anybody who doesn’t think McGwire did it as well is just as blind as those that think Bonds is innocent. Anyway, Bonds was so jealous of the press McGwire got that he invented some bullshit “you don’t like Barry because Barry’s black” bullshit racism story, all the while jacking himself up.

“Bullshit” racism, you say? Yes, bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, I know racism is out there and I have no doubt Bonds has been a victim of racism at some point in his life. But he knows nothing of racism. Ask Hank Aaron about racism. Also, Roger Maris was getting death threats in 1961 when he was approaching Babe Ruth’s single-season record, and he was a white boy who played for Ruth’s very team. Don’t always equate racism with simple ignorance. Playing the race card at will loses its punch. Almost like crying wolf. Bonds throws that race card around a lot, as if to excuse anything he does wrong. Besides, he plays in one of the most free-spirited, dope-smoking, tree-hugging, Kumbaya-singing, self-righteous areas in the country, so I don’t really see him having much of a right to say anything about racism. Aaron played most of his games in Atlanta in the 70s. ‘Nuff said.

The other reason nobody outside San Francisco cares (or should care, anyway) is because Bonds is a dick. Not even taking into account that he was not chemically enhanced, Hank Aaron was and still is a gentleman–soft-spoken, humble, genuine; traits that are scoffed and laughed at nowadays. For Bonds, it’s all about him. Bonds would make (and has made) himself a pariah just to get his name and face out there. Bad press is better than no press, right, Barroid? Sure, there have been people paraded through the ESPN studios this last week or so extolling the virtues of what a prince of a guy Bonds is. Of course they’re going to say that, especially right now and with a TV camera in their faces. Most articles I’ve read about former players that don’t have to control their tongues or worry about repercussions anymore say that he was an absolute dick as a “teammate”. Hell, Bonds made Jeff Kent seem almost tolerable, for piss sakes. Bonds cares about nobody but himself.

Bottom line, Bonds has broken Aaron’s record, but he cheated to do so. He had tremendous ability and could have legitimately become easily one of the top five or ten greatest hitters of all time, maybe even better than that. Instead, he pissed it all away with steroids and HGH to feed his ego. Concrete proof or not (yet), how can you validate that? Bonds, McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa, any of them. Yeah, I suppose it is “unfair” that Bonds has been anointed the poster child for the Steroid Era when there are and were so many other players that use or did use that shit. Oh well, life isn’t fair; deal with it. None of “the other guys” were chasing such an important record. It isn’t “fair” that you and McGwire before you were allowed to hold a record that was achieved through steroids. It isn’t “fair” that you are allowed to hold perhaps the pinnacle of all sports records, achieved through steroids. But again, life isn’t fair; I’ll have to deal with it.

I have to accept Bonds holding the record, but I don’t have to acknowledge it. My kids will know why Aaron is the true home run king and always will be until a legitimate hitter hits 756, and consequently and with any luck, whatever tainted final number Bonds ends up with. (Are you listening, A-Rod? Keep yourself healthy!) I will allow ESPN the 24 hours they’re going to spend jacking Bonds off, and then after that, hopefully they can drop the “all praise King Barry” crap and get back to their normal programming: deep-throating the Yankees and Red Sox. I didn’t think I’d EVER long for the days of All Yankees-Red Sox All The Time™.

To me, the true displays of nobility were by Aaron in his videotaped message played on the Jumbotron and especially by the Washington pitcher that served up number 756*, Mike Bacsik, who, after all the BS died down, directly tipped his hat to Bonds- unnecessarily, in my eyes, but still a classy move- before continuing the game. And one more disappointing note was Hollywood Jimmy Edmonds’ gushing, almost disgusting comments as printed on SI.com:

“Like people say, this is a fraternity and some of these guys have let that slip,” he said. “I think that we should pull for each other. He’s always been very polite to me, so I can’t complain.”

Please, Jim.

Congratulations, Barry, you cheating piece of hot steaming fecal matter. At least now I can turn my attentions back to what a dick my governor is.

* ADDENDUM 8-15-2007: Legally, it is apparently now my obligation to declare this entire post as total conjecture and opinion. I don’t particularly want to get sued by a man who already has a ton of money as it is. No hard feelings, Mr. Bonds, Sir, I just think you have more important legal battles to focus on than trying to stop what Joe Private Citizen says about you. If saying you did steroids (whether presented as presumed fact or the opinion of the speaker/writer) is genuinely untrue, as you profess it to be, I should think you would want to go after the reporters and broadcasters who have been stating exactly that for many months. Bigger fish to fry and all.