At least there’s still all the deep-fried stuff
A few weeks ago, the grandstand lineup for the State Fair was announced.
Once again, the lineup sucks.
Apparently, the fair manager or president or Grand Poobah or whatever she is is only interested in taking money from country music fans and 13 year old girls. “Country music”… now there’s an oxymoron. Kind of like saying “rap music”, but that’s another story.
Now don’t get me wrong- I realize state fairs are largely an agricultural exposition, and I have absolutely nothing against that. The livestock shows are a big deal for the kids that raise their hogs, sheep, horses, etc., and I think that’s great. But especially the last few years or so, that demographic seems to be the only one “they” really cater to. How about a little variety? We silver spoon city slickers spend our money at the fair as well. Not everyone that goes to the fair likes fiddles and steel guitars.
Let’s look at the lineup. The “big name” seems to be southern Illinois native Gretchen Wilson with opening act Guy Nobody Has Heard Of. Gretchen and her girl-power anthem “Redneck Women” will surely please those that like that type of simple drivel. Not that there’s anything wrong with liking that type of simple drivel. Twang on. (SIDE NOTE: “redneck” is not exactly an endearing name, folks.)
Next, the Fair jumps on the High School Musical bandwagon by welcoming Corbin Bleu and his Sideshow Bob haircut, with opening act Second and Third Guy Nobody Has Heard Of. Mrs. Johann might take my six-year-old to that show since he’s seen High School Musical all 487 times it’s been shown on the Disney Channel, plus countless other times on DVD. “We’re All In This Together” ad nauseum. Oof.
Then it’s American Idol contestant (but don’t hold THAT against him) Chris Daughtry and his band, brilliantly named Daughtry. I don’t know what genre he is considered, but I heard a song of his on the radio that was blasting at the gym I go to, and it sounds like typical formulaic country to me.
Next, it’s the requisite free concert by the ISO. I’m not going to knock it at all, for a couple reasons: One, of all the acts, this is the only one I’d consider going to, and not because it’s free; and two, knocking the State Fair ISO concert in Springfield is a little like knocking Lincoln or horseshoes. It’s just part of who Springfield be.
The grandstand will apparently be closed for the next three nights, presumably to clean up all the beer cans and spent blunts from the symphony goers. Then comes Martina McBride with Chick Nobody Has Heard Of. The only reason I know of Martina McBride is because Mrs. Johann and I danced to her song “Valentine” at our wedding. Nine years ago last month, thank you for asking. Although Mrs. Johann considers “Valentine” a Jim Brickman song on which Martina McBride just happens to sing, but that’s another story. Anyway, it’s yet another country act. Yay.
Finally, it’s Sugarland with Final Guy Nobody Has Heard Of, presumably another country act. I’ve never heard of either act, actually… keen readers should have spotted the subtle similarities by now. Again, I realize that due to the overwhelming (and incomprehensible) popularity of country music, coupled with the main clientele of the fair liking that kind of music, that is why there are so many country acts, but holy shnikeys, people. How about some rock acts again? How about some hip-hop (eeewwww)? How about doo-wop? Or jazz? Or Christian pop? Or better yet, how about a decent blues act (i.e., NOT George Thorogood)? How about ANYTHING besides country?! Even when the non-country acts sucked, at least you had a variety of music to choose not to see, or to at least listen to outside the grandstand for free.
There have been arguments for years about who or what types of acts should and should not come to the fair. People have complained for years about the various recycled 80’s bands (Loverboy, Kansas, Journey, etc.) and how their music is, “like, SOOOO last century”. Well, yes, it is. The 80’s were in the last century. But some of us old farts who now fork out our hard-earned dollars to take our kids to the totally bitchin’ and/or dreamy country and bubble-gum shows like cheesy 80’s music.
The other argument is that people (mainly, from tweeners to college kids) want really, really big (and currently popular) acts to be booked at the fair. Only problem is, they won’t come. Come on, folks- look at it from their “it’s all about me” perspective: if you routinely sell out 25,000-seat stadiums in L.A., New York, Chicago, Boston, Miami, etc., would YOU want to come play some rinky-dink hillbilly white trash 1500-seat state fair grandstand!? I didn’t think you would. That’s also why we can’t get anyone big to come to the Center. Nobody goes because the tickets are so expensive, and the tickets are so expensive because they (the act in question) can get 6 times the gate playing a “real” venue, even if they were to, heaven forbid, sell out the Center. Hell, folks, Larry the Cable Guy, comedy’s current flavor-of-the-month (whose “month” apparently has about 43 days in it), didn’t even sell out the Center. I guess hearing “GITERDONE” 349 times in 90 minutes does get old. Who knew?
People keep saying “if they brought ‘decent’ acts here to Springfield, we’d support them”, but then when they do, we don’t. Springfield is just simply in that no-man’s-land of city size, where we’re far too big to be “small town” but not nearly big enough to be “big city”. Maybe if Springfield was the capital of Illinois instead of Chicago, then maybe we…
What? It is? Somebody better break that to Chicago… and tell Hot Rod about it. We might even be able to find him a house to live in here in town.
Anyway, go to the fair shows, no matter how lame- before long, there won’t be any grandstand shows and they’ll close the fair at 5:00. Then the beer vendors will pull out, and then where will we be?!
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LOL @ “Corbin Bleu and his Sideshow Bob haircut.”
You’re right, btw. All the acts this year blow. Maybe someone could convince Ween to play at the fair for irony’s sake. Hell, they could even bring The Shit Creek Boys along and play stuff from their country album.
I’m sorry, but if the person in charge of booking acts for the fair grandstand either gave a shit or had some real experience at booking bands (instead of obviously being appointed by others that did not want to do it), we at least would have some washed up, past their prime rock acts willing to play a state fair as in years past. Think about it? How many bands have their been in the past that had some good hits?
Like a million? Too many to name. Of course when Hot Rod cuts funding for everything south of I-80, we can expect worse year after year. AC: Even Ween would be an improvement. Or Weezer, or Winger, or ….
The second-Saturday performer has yet to be announced. You can be assured it will be a washed-up, past-its-prime rock act willing to play a state fair as in years past, as there’s nothing that fits that description on the lineup as of yet.
I second AC’s laughter at equating Corbin Bleu with Sideshow Bob.
Johann: You probably heard “Home” when you heard a Daughtry song, and yes, it sounds sort-of country. Usually, his music would, for categorical and not aesthetic purposes, be described as rock. As a co-worker so damningly praised him, his sound is about the best that any act hoping to mimic Nickelback could ever sound like.
Some of us LIKE washed-up past-its-prime rock acts.
And Daughtry still sounds like country to me.
But I have to ask this: I’m not a “fan” of Nickelback by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I do like a couple of their songs. But why are they the band everyone everywhere is trashing? Rolling Stone hates them, apparently everyone who has ears hates them… I mean, like I said, they’re not my favorites in the least, but there are PLENTY of people that deserve harsher criticism than Nickelback. I don’t understand the universal hatred. But that’s just me.
And this just in: the final fair act is Joe Walsh. Thanks to AC for the up-to-the-minute text message. At last, someone I’d consider seeing. Who knows- Springpatch might get lucky and he’d bring a fellow Eagle or two with him.
Okay, all you young’uns, some of us old farts actually LIKE the Eagles. They were popular back when everything on the radio didn’t all sound the same, as it does today.
And DoUg- what about White Lion?!
Well, now at least the old farts have somewhere to congregate to exchange stories about Eagles shows.
P.S. Count me in on being in the club of universal haters of Nicklecrap. That guy really should just take a big shit so he can sing normally. The poor guy has been obviously constipated since the first album.
I’ve tried leaving the same comment twice, and it didn’t work. E-mail me, and I’ll tell you what I said. Maybe your WordPress is running a filter against anti-Nickelback Web sites.
u butthole maybe you don’t like corbin bleu’s hair but alot of others do so when you comment why don’t u perform at the fair since you are so perfect and beautiful
And why don’t YOU go back to the Radio Disney website and leave the grownup conversations for the grownups? “U butthole”?! Only 12 year olds use the word “butthole”. This is the reason why I delete certain comments.
But in answer to your little postie-poo, I never said I didn’t “like” young Master Bleu’s hair; I simply stated that it looks like Sideshow Bob’s haircut, which it does. (By the way, Sideshow Bob is a character on a TV show called “The Simpsons”. Your parents probably have seen it; ask them about it.) My post was not a personal slam on Corbin Bleu or any of the other acts at the fair, but a slam on the lack of decent acts at the fair.
Holy crap, I can’t believe I’m trying to justify my viewpoint to a child.
And thank you for the compliments, but I am neither perfect nor beautiful. Now be gone; it’s past your bedtime.