Mmmmm… something
I’m hungry.
Which is a dangerous thing. Because then I’d just eat and further expand my already large abdominal and gluteal… horizons. So I guess I’ll just write about eating and hope that helps.
Naturally, I enjoy fast food- McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Arby’s, pretty much anything that ends in apostrophe-S. Of course, it’s not very good for me, and Mrs. Johann would like me to start eating better. I’ve never been a person who can eat a salad-no matter how big it is- and call it “a meal”. In my mind, salads are the preview before the feature attraction, if you will. But only if you will. (The preceding sentence stolen from A.C.- he says it a lot and I still laugh evey time.) Hey, I’m a carnivore- I like my burgers and steaks. And of course, seafood.
So I guess I’m basically simul-eating myself sick.
- STEAKS: It goes without saying that the best place in Springfield for a big-ass slab of meat is Alexander’s Steakhouse. Different cuts, different flavorings, chicken, lobster tails… all cooked perfectly, exactly the way you like it. Because you cook it. Now why would you go to a restaurant and pay good money to cook your own dinner? Hell, I don’t know, you just would, okay? Johann’s favorite: the marinated sirloin.
- PIZZA: I like Pizza Hut’s Meat Lovers Pan pizza, but hell, you can get Pizza Hut anywhere. Northenders talk incessantly about Vic’s, but frankly, to me, I’d rather eat the box it comes in. Mrs. Johann’s grew up on Bernie and Betty’s- pretty good stuff. For my money, though, you can’t beat Luca Pizza and Gallina’s. I don’t know what kind of sausage they use, but it rocks. Sausage, ham, and mushroom, with extra garlic. That’s the Johann family usual. The oldest little Johann complains every time that we get mushrooms, even though he’s eaten mushrooms since he was old enough to do so. I’m straying off topic… sorry. I’ve eaten Luca since they were in the mall many moons ago (who here remembers Orange Julius?! How about Copper Popper? Straying again…) When I was in high school oh so many years ago, a couple buddies of mine and I would go to Gallina’s in Capital City once or twice a week and I’ve been hooked ever since.
- MEXICAN: I am extremely picky about Mexican food. I know the cool, manly-man macho thing to do is to get it so hot your rectum smokes for a week afterward, but I just can’t do that. Personally, I think “macho” is a Spanish word meaning “small penis”, but that’s for another post at another time. Anyway, I believe that if you’re kind to your colon, it will be kind to you. The best Mexican that I believe exists in town is at Los Agaves in Sherwood Plaza across from the mall. The Agave Cheese Steak and the Steak Burrito are the best. And make sure you ask for queso with your obligatory chips and salsa they give you. I don’t know what kind of cheese it is, but Jean Claude Van DAMN is it good. Omar and his hombres have a good thing going that I hope sticks around for a long time.
- SEAFOOD: Perhaps my biggest culinary Kryptonite. Naturally when I need a shrimp, lobster, crab leg, clam, oyster, and/or scallop fix, we will go to Red Lobster. Basically, because that’s all we have for seafood, plus their Cheddar Bay biscuits are just criminally good. I want to give a tribute wave of the napkin to the New England Lobster House. When they were in binnis there on MacArthur across from Butler Elementary, there was no better place for seafood. Unfortunately, they closed and later became the Springfield Family Restaurant, another fine eatery but for a different reason.
- CHINESE: My other culinary Kryptonite. The buffets are pretty tasty, especially those with the grills at which the cooks whip up a pile of meat and veggies of your choosing. My favorite was the Buffet City by Aldi’s on Wabash, but they had some… staffing issues… but I heard they may be reopening soon. Hunan on Wabash, closed due to last year’s tornadoes, just re-opened as a combination Chinese/sushi place. Haven’t gone there yet, but it’s on my list. China Star in Sangamon Center is pretty good. I think my all-time favorites, though, have to be two places that no longer exist as Chinese places (natch). I always liked the Great Wall, just north of the MacArthur-Wabash curve (when it was a curve), but now it’s a Subway. Then there was the Mandarin Palace, on North 9th just south of North Grand. It closed quite a few years ago, unfortunately, and is now a diner, the name of which, embarrassingly, escapes me. I know the new trendy chic follow-the-crowd thing is to eat Thai as opposed to Chinese, but I just prefer Chinese. Sue me.
- HORSESHOES: This Springfield-born heart attack on a plate is perhaps the biggest topic of culinary arguments among residents here. D’Arcy’s Pint routinely gets voted “Best Horseshoe”. I’ve only gotten one from D’Arcy’s in my time- it was okay, but I can’t say it was “the best” by any means. There are “good” horseshoes at different places for different reasons. My ultimate favorite type is the breakfast variety- I loves my eggs. Charlie Parker’s breakfast horseshoe- sausage with sausage gravy- is positively fab-o. Ritz’s are good. Sunrise Cafe makes a good horseshoe. The “best”? I can’t say without more research.
- FAIR FOOD: Speaking of food that keeps Prairie Cardiovascular in business, what’s better than an endless variety of deep-fried… things? Funnel cakes, elephant ears, pork chop sammiches, and my newest favorite bad-for-me food, ‘gator on a stick. Tom Thumb donuts. Gyros from the Greek stand in the Ethnic Village. And of course, a Vose’s corn dog. I haven’t gotten the guts up to try a deep-fried Snickers, Oreos, and other things that have no business in a fryer, but people say they’re good too. That’s the best reason to go to the State Fair. Actually, other than checking out the veritable who’s who of white trash every year, that’s about the only reason to go to the State Fair any more. God knows the grandstand lineups have more or less sucked rocks for years… this year seems to be no different.
There’s plenty more I could talk about regarding Springfield dining- Gabatoni’s, Shepardo’s, Maldaners, Z Bistro, the no-longer-with-us Baur’s, the various incarnations that have resided at the top of the Prick o’ the Prairie, etc.- but I’m even hungrier now. I wonder if my boys left me any Fruity Pebbles. Sighhhhh…
Feel free to offer your two cents’ worth on good food (or even not-so-good food) in Springpatch.
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This post title is my second-favorite “Mmmm…” The first being “Mmmm… 64 slices of American cheese,” of course.
It’s hard to argue with most of what you wrote, but you know me…
STEAKS: I like Alexander’s too. Longhorn is good if you’d prefer someone else stand over the open flame.
PIZZA: Dude, Bernie and Betty’s. There is no other. Joe’s comes in a extremely distant second. I have fond memories of racing to Gallina’s at lunch time, too. Nothing like getting yelled at in Italian.
SEAFOOD: I think I prefer Chesapeake for restaurant seafood. Seafood is best made at home, though. Scallops, shrimp, salmon, catfish, etc.
CHINESE: Uh, no thanks. Play the class-warfare card if you must, but Thai food is like Chinese food, only with flavor.
HORSESHOES: I like ‘em, too, but they’re all pretty much the same to me.
FAIR FOOD: As a native Springfielder, I of course loves me some fair food. Altho having worked at the Snak Shak during the 1991 and 1992 fairs, I will never touch another corn dog or cheese stick ever again. The fried Twinkies are good for like two bites. After that, the synergism of the grease and sugar combined with the guilt of eating a fried Twinkie are too much to overcome.
Yes Johnann, I will also agree with much of what you said, as I think you and I have many of the same tastes.
As far as the best pizza I would like to add my 2 favorites that have not been mentioned. Now don’t get me wrong, I will happily sit down to a table with a Gabitoni’s, B&B, Shepardo’s or Gallina’s pizza on it. But the 2 that I would order as a last meal would be Sam’s on North Grand and surprisingly 4 Seasons Sports bar.
4 Seasons, you might say? Yes, 4 Seasons. It’s homemade and whatever type of sauce they use is absolutely the best. It’s certainly not the place you want to bring your kids for fear of the white trash factor. Call it up and take it home. You won’t be disappointed.
I have heard that Four Seasons pizza is pretty good. I’ll have to try it. And of course, Sam’s rocks as well. I can’t believe I forgot about Sam’s. Shame on me.
And to A.C., I agree with your philosophy on horseshoes- they ARE all more or less the same, but some have slightly better cheese sauce than others.
Oh, and dude, ease up- nobody’s playing any “class-warfare” card, but let’s face it, it IS trendy to eat Thai just as it is to drink CRAPpucinos and have collagen injections and pretend to be politically correct when in public or in mixed company and have dogs that fit inside a tampon tube and… it’s simply a fact that Americans, for the most part, are bandwagon-jumping trend-hopping lambs. And Thai food is nothing more Chinese food that someone spiced the shit out of. Like I say, be kind to your colon, and it’ll be kind to you.
P.S. Regarding the title of the post, I also like “Mmmmmm… green goo”, and naturally, my favorite is “Mmmmmm… boobies”.
You are so right about Los Agaves, which has inherited the title of Best Mexican Restaurant with the unfortunate closing of La Mex (now La Fiesta, which definitely ain’t no frigging party).
And the only place at which I can eat Thai and not need a bottle of Colon Blow is Little Saigon. It’s fresh, and there’s some more Chinese-leaning dishes on the menu, too.
Thanks for the tip about Little Saigon. I may have to summon some courage and try that. Is that the one on Wabash by Ace? I can never keep them straight anymore.
Little Saigon is where Friznitzes used to be. It was OK food, but not worth the outrageous wait.
And I forgot to mention Mexican. The Los Agaves burrito is the cat’s ass.
Damn skippy it is!
I’ve never had to wait at Little Saigon. Then again, frequent-customer membership might have its privileges. I dunno.
And where did this cat’s ass phrase come from? That’s the second time I’ve heard Anonymous Communist use that in one week. Although last time, he was referring to a journalist that someone found caliente, not a burrito.
I think it was from “Cannonball Run.” The Japanese entry remarked that something was “the cat’s ass.” I found that rather humorous and have since incorporated that into my everyday lexicon.
I don’t know what’s funnier – “cat’s ass” or that you might have recently re-watched “Cannonball Run.”
Oh SNAP!
I like VICs.
When it was on Wabash they’d run a half price special.
We’d buy two of their largest pizzas, the VICs special, and it would last the entire weekend.
Galina’s is great. Luca’s served up one too many burned pizzas for me to consider them, and Pizza Hut is tempermental in that sense too – too many burnt pizzas.
When I order a Pizza I want it fresh, not greasy, not, and not burnt. Seems simple enough, but for some reason so many businesses which call themselves Pizzerias find it so difficult to serve up what people expect.
JP