My enemy now has a name

Last Monday or so, I developed some breathing problems.  Then I started getting that all-over body ache thing going on.  Then I developed a cough.  By Wednesday of last week, the cough was one of those that felt like your ribcage was exploding, your skull was imploding, and basically made your eyelashes hurt afterward.  So that evening I decided to head over to Prompt Care at the Wabash Medical Clinic, where after a while they declare I have a respiratory tract infection, give me some cefuroxime and some nighttime codeine juice, and send me on my way.

By the time last Friday rolls around, I feel like complete and total hammered poo.  I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.  I break out into these spontaneous cold sweats about seven times an hour.  I “feel” hungry, but every time I start to eat something I get so nauseous I think I’m going to hurl.  Still coughing like a… coughing… thing every 40 seconds or so, and it seems to alternate between a couple reasonably harmless quick little coughs that produce a tablespoon of lungbutter and a totally dry 25-second ultra-painful cough-a-thon.

And bedtime?  Forget it.  Even with my nectar of the codeine gods, I sleep like a dream- for about 40 minutes.  Then I am up almost regularly, throughout the night, coughing up vital organs and spitting out this pale yellow stuff.  This is how I spent all of Labor Day weekend.  I’m honestly kinda surprised Mrs. Johann didn’t make me sleep in the back yard.  I probably would have made me sleep in the back yard.

ANY-hooze, on Sunday night Mrs. Johann gives me a shot of her albuterol inhaler before bed.  Relatively speaking, I felt positively swell the next morning.  I was still up throughout the night coughing, but it was just a simple little *cough* and then back to sleep, at least compared to how Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights went.  So I got to wondering if albuterol was the magic drug I was missing, if I simply turned a corner and was getting better, or if it was all some big coinkydink.

So last night we go down to Mario’s for dinner.  Tortellini soup and seafood lasagna, if you’re wondering.  Mrs. Johann and I are talking about it, and she asks if I want her to drop me off at Prompt Care after dinner.  Which basically meant, “I’m dropping you off at Prompt Care after dinner”.  So being the intellajint guy I am, I said, “Sure”.  Well, thank hebb’m I did.

Don’t know whether they missed it the first time or whether it developed in the mean time, but this is my ailment:

My cooties

Bacterial pneumonia.  That is what has been kicking my ass for the last week and a half or so.

I honestly wasn’t planning to go back to Prompt Care.  I just figured my “respiratory tract infection” was just a doozy, but the very foul-tasting antibiotics they prescribed for me would knock it out.  Dang, how wrong I was.  After a nebulizer treatment and two x-rays later, doctor dude pulls me outside into the hall, shows me the films, and says, “congratulations, you have pneumonia”.

I was thrilled, actually.

Yeah, I know, people die from pneumonia, but at least now A, we know what the hell is wrong with me illness I have, and B, we can actually treat it.  So he gave me a different antibiotic (I’m not upset by that, since cefuroxime tastes like ass) and gave me my very own inhaler (Xopenex).  I swear, I would have never thought I’d ever be so happy to hear a diagnosis of pneumonia.

I admit last night was a bit rough; I did wind up sleeping downstairs so as to let Mrs. Johann sleep as soundly as possible.  But I had my inhaler, my cell phone, and my ibuprofen on the table next to me, so I got through it well enough.  Hopefully I’ll be well-armed enough to knock this crap out before I have to get on the plane to California a week from Friday.  They’ll probably never let me get on a plane hacking and coughing the way I am now.

And I am getting on that plane.

Illinois’ top douchebag

Read this.

Holy crap, Governor Asshole has GOT to go. And you people say Bush is bad.

Nice job, Blowjo, cut a bunch of DCFS positions- it’s not like that’s where they’re needed or anything. You ignorant dumb-ass imbecile.

Maybe if Saint Barack does get elected President in November, we can all petition him to finally get statehood granted to Chicago once and for all and then Illinois will not have to deal with those dickheads anymore. We’ve got enough dickheads downstate as it is- we don’t need Chicago’s dickheads screwing life up for those of us that aren’t in someone’s pocket. Obama should jump at the chance to do that- he’s from Chicago, so I’m sure he’d be thrilled to finally make the state of Chicago free of all us hillbilly slackjawed booger-eatin’ morons south of I-80.

Tell me again why we don’t have the recall? Oh, that’s right, because these douches are smart enough to know we’ve figured them out and would use it on their crooked asses.

Oh, and then there’s this.  Are you fuggin’ KIDDING me?!  “Yeah, I’m a very good Governor.  Yeah.  K-Mart sucks.  Yeah.”

This is what we’ll have in the White House if Obama gets elected, folks; they are two peas in the same warped little pod.  Enjoy.

You might be from Springfield if…

Just got this from my mom via email. I thought it was good enough to share. My apologies to whomever sent this out since, given my being me, I can’t resist adding my two cents.

You know you’re from Springfield if:

1. Kerasotes is the only cinema chain you’ve ever heard of. (There are others?)

2. Putting a pro-Blagojevich sign in your yard is treated like treason. (Maybe not treason so much as just proving you’re a dumb ass.)

3. You KNOW we should have won the Simpsons hometown contest. (It’s not like there was an actual “prize”, but yeah, we should have.)

4. You thank God every day that Taco Bell came back. (Yeah, but the new one is in such a crappy location.)

5. The Cubs’ arch-enemies are the Cardinals, not the White Sox. (Well duh… the Cubs and White Sox have only been “enemies” for the last dozen years or so since they started that absolutely ridiculous interleague play crap.)

6. When someone mistakes Chicago for the capitol of IL, you want to punch them. (You have NO idea how bad that gets under my skin. That and the whole “is that anywhere near Chicago?” thing.)

7. You know exactly where to get a good horseshoe. (Folks, D’Arcy’s shoes are okay, but they are NOT the best in town by any stretch of the imagination.)

8. You know what a horseshoe is. (Not our fault other people are clueless.)

9. You know the difference between a tornado warning and a tornado watch. (Well, we SHOULD by know!)

10. You practice tornado drills in school and assume everyone else does. (Don’t they?)

11. ANY kind of accent makes you laugh, except Chicago accents. Those just annoy the crap out of you. (Very true, but they are also very easy to imitate and {deservedly} ridicule.)

12. You know and have been to the greatest sledding spot in Springfield: Pasfield Golf Course, baby! (You can’t say you’ve been “sledding” until you’ve broken something trying to keep from mowing down a four-year-old on Pasfield.)

13. You know better than to get too attached to any stores in the mall since they change locations more often than you change your underpants. (Folks, I’m tellin’ ya, it’s but a matter of time before White Oaks suffers the same fate as the Venture/K-Mart on MacArthur.)

14. Seeing Guess Gordon or Jerry Lambert in person warrants a phone call to all your friends going, ‘You’ll never guess who I just saw!!’ (Um, actually, for me it’s Elizabeth Wooley and Ashley Glass. They are YUMMY!!)

15. You went sight-seeing on the west side after the March 2006 tornadoes. (Yeah, there were certainly enough of you yay-hoos over here… staring instead of helping SOMEwhere. Next time, how about actually pitching in instead of just gawking?!)

16. Your school wouldn’t close even if there was a good 2 feet of snow on the roads, and on the bus ride there, the driver goes about 60 mph whether the roads are plowed or not, but now it only takes a predicted 2 inches. (Boy, THAT ain’t no lie. Back in MY day…)

17. Every grade school field trip was to a Lincoln site of some sort. (Ugh- don’t get me started.)

18. When you visit another town’s library, you ask where all the homeless people are. COMMENT DELETED

19. When you go out of town and see a Lincoln memorial, you say “He’s EVERYWHERE…” (Now THAT’S funny. But other than Washington, D.C., ARE there any other Lincoln Memorials?)

20. Your prom, senior and wedding pictures were taken in Washington Park. (That must be a generational thing. I didn’t go to prom, but my senior pictures were taken in the SSHS mobile unit where they taught driver’s ed in those days- I kid you not- and my wedding pictures were taken at the church. Is Washington Park the “in” place now?)

21. When someone from out of town asks what bus to take, you laugh in their face while saying, “Well first you’ll have to wait 2 hours for it to come by”. (Can’t say I’ve ever done that, but okay.)

22. Kreckels!! (The ONLY place to go when you need a big-ass-greasy-cheeseburger-and-krinkle-cut-fries-fix.)

23. You laugh a little when you see those 2 giant bolts on the Lauterbach Tire man’s neck. After all…he was headless for a bit. (I’ve never looked at that statue that closely before. I don’t really drive Wabash east of Chatham Road much. Guess I’ll need to check it out now.)

24. You miss the old Barrel Head even though the new one is so much nicer. (Can’t speak on this- I haven’t been to the new one yet.)

25.Your power plant almost blew up twice in one month. (That’s just a tad of an exaggeration, folks.)

26.You have kept track of the whereabouts of the “Pink Elephant”. Never has a martini looked so good… (Can’t say I’ve “kept track” of its whereabouts, but yeah, I do kinda smile when I do see it.)

27.The fact that the only Wendy’s in town is WAY north or WAY south ruins your lunch plans. (Amen. Wendy’s rocks.)

That’s but a wee fraction of the problem

From the LTE section of Friday’s SJ-R:

Drivers need to use good judgment, common sense
We trust that when we use the streets and roads that everyone will use good sense and judgment.

On the evening of July 17, I was riding my bicycle back home from a local health club on West Iles when a car leaving Rotary Park pulled right in front of me. The woman driving this vehicle looked straight at me and then pulled out.

By trying to avoid hitting the vehicle, I flew head-first over my handlebars and hit the street head-first. And no, I was not wearing a helmet on this day. That was my poor judgment.
The driver of this vehicle not only caused an accident, which injured me, but then left the accident scene, taking no responsibility.

I would welcome any information about this driver and truly thank those who stopped and helped me. I also would like to apologize to anyone using that road that evening who was inconvenienced. But most of all, I would like to thank the Springfield Fire Department. You guys are the best.

Rick Neuber
Springfield

I don’t ride my bicycle nearly enough. One of my typical excuses is that I have to take the kid(s) everywhere I go, and taking the kids by bicycle turns a simple quick bike trip to Party Zone for some Fat Tire the grocery store into this rather long involved ordeal that is often not worth the hassle, so I tend to either wait until Mrs. Johann gets home from work, or else take the car. Worse yet, too often I wind up waiting until Mrs. Johann gets home and then taking the car.

Let me just say first and foremost that I am NOT a tree-hugger by any stretch of the imagination. Global warming- as it is being presented by the libbies and the media (same diff)- is a myth. And for the record, I’m not going to argue that here- that’s a different argument for a different time- so those who feel an urge to start a debate about global warming need to simply suppress it. Such comments will go unanswered (and possibly deleted at my discretion). I have absolutely no problem with hunting, so long as it’s not poaching, so long as the animal isn’t just left there (especially mortally wounded but still alive), and so long as the hunted animal is not brought to extinction. As long as those conditions are met, then as far as I’m concerned, Bambi, Bugs, Wile E., Daffy, Yogi, Bullwinkle, and all of their little woodland creature friends had better watch their collective asses. Again, not the topic being discussed, so save it.

ANY-hooze, as I said, I am not what can be called an “environmentalist”, but I do still “give a hoot”, to borrow a late-70s PSA slogan. I don’t litter- in fact, I’ve suddenly found myself picking stuff up off the street as the dog and I walk through the ‘hood here lately. I’m not super-militant about it, but I try to recycle whenever I can. Some’s better than none, right? The big thing for me is the whole car thing. There are too many cars on the road as it is, gas is so goddamned expensive (for NO reason than pure profit) and we just keep buying it like Amy Winehouse buys crack, and it does in fact pollute the friggin’ air that my kids (and YOUR kids) breathe.

I would love to see more people riding their bicycles. It’s far better for your health, it’s far better for everyone else’s health, and it reduces the dependency on petroleum. However, this town is not very bicycle-friendly, as alluded to in Mr. Neuber’s LTE shown above. Most drivers don’t give two shits about (and often do not notice) 800-lb motorcycles, let alone 30-lb bicycles. Do the math, folks- car vs. bicycle: who wins that collision? And to you drivers with your heads firmly planted in your assholes, let me just assure you that bicyclists absolutely DO have every right to be on the same roads upon which you drive. Yes, there are bike trails, but there are people who ride their bikes for reasons other than exercise or recreation, and even those riders deserve to be able to ride {safely} more than just from the Dirksen IDOT building to Rochester or from the Parkway Pointe area to the new Sonic on Wabash. Bicyclists have their own set of rules of the road, and you can get a booklet- free of charge from any SOS or DMV office- called, interestingly enough, Bicycle Rules of the Road. Of course, that makes it incumbent on the bicycler to actually follow those BRotR’s, but more on that in a bit. Automobile drivers have simply got to pay more attention- just in general, but especially in relation to bicycles. Car drivers need to familiarize themselves with the Rules of the Road for cars first- and follow them- and then familiarize themselves with those for bicycles.

Now you bicyclists need to do your part as well in that regard. Among others, I’m talking to you dumb-ass douches who ride on the left side of the street, those who ride down the middle of the street, and those who are in groups of 5 or 6 or more spread out across the entire road. I think that that’s more a generational thing (*cough* kids and young adults *cough*), and additionally that the people that don’t follow bicycle traffic rules when they ride probably don’t bother watching for bicycles when they drive a car, either. It might not be “cool” to use hand signals, but it is the law, and it just may save you from getting your ass run over. It is also a requirement that cyclists stop at stop signs. It’s a wonder more cyclists haven’t gotten hit, what with the amount of them I myself have seen blow through stop signs and red lights, or worse yet, go zipping across Veterans Parkway, across traffic and against a red light, because they’re too friggin’ impatient to wait for the green. You also need to do what you can to make yourself more visible to car drivers- reflectors on your bike (on your clothing helps as well, especially at night), head and tail lights, maybe even one of those big ol’ orange flags, things like that. I’d rather look like a dork and be seen than to have to be extracted from someone’s grille. Oh, one more thing: unless you’re a child still learning how to ride a bike, stay off of the goddamned sidewalk!

My thought, however, is that the problem isn’t inattentive drivers and scofflaw cyclists that makes Springfield “bicycle unfriendly” NEARLY as much as it is the fact that this town isn’t doing enough to allow bicyclists to safely ride. Again, there are the aforementioned bike trails, and there are a {very small} handful of streets that have bike paths, but like I say, many people ride to and from work, run errands, or simply don’t live in one of those few areas. There desperately needs to be bike paths downtown, for starters. There need to be bike paths on many of the main thoroughfares in town. Granted, some cyclists try to take less-traveled routes, but depending on where one is going, there are only so many subdivisions through which one can cut and only so many side streets one can take. And for that matter, cyclists shouldn’t have to turn a 12-block ride into a 4-mile jaunt simply to avoid the risk of getting clipped on MacArthur. Or Chatham. Or Monroe. Or Cook. Or Stevenson.

You get my point.

Some dumb-asses people argue that if bicyclists want to use city streets, then they should have to pay for it- registering and/or plating their bikes, for example. First of all, whether you bike or drive (or do neither, for that matter), you still pay for those streets regardless by virtue of paying taxes. Secondly, I look at it just the opposite- I don’t feel a bicyclist should have to pay {extra} for the “privilege” of riding on streets that have nowhere for bicyclists to more safely ride. Frankly, I don’t feel a bicyclist should have to pay {extra} for riding on streets that do have more bicycle access.

Whatever their reason, there seems to me to be more and more people bicycling. That can be considered nothing besides a good thing. People say Americans are fat and lazy; biking addresses that. People say Americans are too dependent on {foreign} oil; biking addresses that. People say Americans don’t care about the environment; biking addresses that. Bummer that we’re in a climate that is not more conducive to riding year-round, but as long as there isn’t too much snow and ice on the ground, one can still ride in the winter, if they so choose. Drivers have GOT to be more attentive, cyclists have GOT to follow the cycling regulations, and most importantly, the city has GOT to make itself more bicycle friendly.

Oh- and it’d sure help if more businesses had bike racks.

Go Rays and Red Sox! And Blue Jays and Orioles, for that matter!

There are about 6 weeks left in the regular MLB season, and lookie lookie:

Team	W	L	PCT	GB
Tampa Bay	77	48	.616	-
Boston	73	53	.579	4.5
NY Yankees	66	59	.528	11.0
Toronto	65	60	.520	12.0
Baltimore	60	65	.480	17.0

I realize that a lot- a LOT- can happen in six weeks, but I’m ne’er the less keeping every crossable appendage crossed that the YankMes continue taking it in the ass so badly that they don’t even get the opportunity to get bounced from the playoffs in the first round.

Wake me when it’s over

No, I’m not talking about the State Fair- it’s already over. I didn’t go this year, but I would have, had I had the opportunity. There were some great grandstand acts for the first time in years, and there’s always the favored pastime of cramming oneself full of all things deep fried (for me, it’s gator on a stick and other things only available during mid-August), and making fun of the white trash people-watching. No, I wanted to go, but it just didn’t work out that way. Birthdays, Sliders playoffs, and other more pressing events took precedence.

I am referring to the Olympics.

(A collective *GASP* from the crowd)

I can hear it now: “Johann! How DARE you speak ill of the Olympics?!” Give me a break.

First of all, I hate it how some people will bitch and complain about the President and the war and the deficit and oil prices and basically bitch about everything that is “wrong” with America and how ashamed they are to be called Americans, and then suddenly become a “patriot” and scream “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” louder than Hacksaw Jim Duggan when the Olympics come on.

The Olympics are about as far from anything even remotely resembling “patriotism” as anything I’ve ever seen. It’s not about pride, it’s not about the thrill of competition, it’s not about fair play (dude, it’s sports- there’s no place for fair play in sports). It’s about nothing more than America’s thirst for total domination- essentially, the “my dick’s bigger than yours” philosophy. It has become the simple notion that if 100% destruction of all competition is not achieved, then it is deemed a failure.

I remember a time when the Olympics were a showcase of the world’s best amateur athletes. People that are among the best at what they do simply because they work hard at it and they love their sport. (Or game, or event, or whatever. Let’s not get into that debate yet.) Then a few years ago someone decided to create the so-called “Dream Team” men’s basketball team and stack the deck so heinously in Our favor that We can’t possibly lose. Hell, people, I don’t care how good a team is- you put them up against a team consisting of Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, David Robinson, etc., then yes, they’re going to get beaten like a rented mule. The average margin of “Dream Team” victory in the ‘92 Olympics was 43.8 points. That’s ridiculous. That’s basically like a father slamdunking on his four-year-old in the driveway and then acting like it was an actual accomplishment. The other teams were starstruck- there were times when the DT’s opponents would literally stop to watch Jordan (or whomever had the ball at the time) do what he does- and grossly outmatched. The reason NBA players are sent to the Olympics is because Americans can’t handle losing. Personally, I loved seeing the “Dream Team LXVI” get their collective asses handed to them in 2004 or whenever it was. Make that “hearing that the ‘Dream Team LXVI’ got…”. I didn’t see it, and haven’t seen the Olympics pretty much since the days of Mary Lou Retton. Frankly, I won’t mind in the least if the U.S. basketball team gets bitch-slapped again. Oh, and yeah, I know that “other countries send professionals and have for years” and blah blah blah. I’m not talking about them, and even so, it doesn’t make it right. If other countries jumped off a bridge…

I realize I’m the only person left in the world that still believes in parity, level playing fields (literal and figurative), and the spirit of fairness and competition, but holy crap- are we as a country that friggin’ vain that we think Americans must run the table?! Well, y’all are. I don’t root “against” the USA Olympians, but I’m not going to blindly jump on the bandwagon, either. Sometimes there are simply {non-American} athletes that deserve it more. Sure, the Miracle on Ice in 1980 was a great Americana story. Sure, the Kerri Strug thing was a great Americana story. But I can also remember rooting big-time for this little pig-tailed gymnast from Romania in 1976 who was mopping up the mat with her competition. (I’m referring to Nadia Comaneci, genius.) Remember in the ‘84 Olympics in L.A., when Zola Budd and Mary Decker-Slaney collided? To hear the media and the average viewer talk, one would have thought that that accidental collision should have been a prelude to war with South Africa. Not at all different from the dumb-ass Cub fans that STILL think Steve Bartman cost the Cubs the game/playoffs/World Series in two-thousand-whenever it was, or to be fair, those Cardinal fans that still blame that umpire for “causing” the Cardinals to lose the ‘87 World Series. Get over thy selves.

And with regard to this year’s Games, the big story is swimmer Michael Phelps and how he is poised to win an unprecedented number of gold medals. If he doesn’t win gold in every event- or heaven forbid doesn’t even medal in every event- is it considered a failure? If so, that’s pretty pathetic, people. And one other thing, all these medals he’s winning, I sure hope to hell he doesn’t wind up testing positive for anything. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least (and I’m not accusing) but I hope he doesn’t. That’s another problem- it seemed largely confined to track and field at the time, but there was all sorts of controversy in recent (and not-so-recent) Olympic Games with Ben Johnson, Marion Jones, and others winding up getting caught using steroids and HGH and other performance enhancers and getting medals stripped and what not. That’s called “cheating”, people, plain and simple. Cheating is for pussies that can’t win on simple ability or by any other fashion. All I’m saying is I hate seeing people place these yay-hoos on such high pedestals and then be shocked and appalled when they fall from grace or, worse yet, somehow find a way to justify it. And no, it’s obviously not “just” the Olympics, but that’s the lecture at hand, so that’s who gets the brunt of the blame in this post. MLB has received more than their share of blame and ridicule for that here, and will likely get more in the future until players stop testing positive. Dumb asses. At any rate, America being what it has become, if Phelps doesn’t win gold in every event, he better just stay in Beijing, because he’s likely to get ridiculed out of the country anyway.

I am happy and honored to be an American and I am proud of this country. But that is due to the men and women who are defending (and have defended) this country, especially those currently fighting a war that never should have happened, let alone lasted as long as it has. (That’s another issue for another time; if you’re going to argue with me, argue with me about my disdain for the Olympics right now.) I don’t find it the least bit “patriotic” to jump on the Good Ol’ USA™ bandwagon by blindly supporting highly paid and/or juiced up athletes sent to the Olympics to annihilate all competition and then see them turned into pariahs if they don’t succeed. Again, I realize I am the last person alive that actually believes this, but it is an accomplishment simply to make the Olympic team and be considered one of the elite athletes in the entire world in your sport (NBA basketball players excluded). For example, I’m impressed with the girl from Chatham in the synchronized diving event. So she and her partner missed the bronze medal. Was that a failure? Hardly. But then, I was equally impressed with the 21-year-old girl from Jamaica of whom nobody has ever heard that won whatever track race was on last night while I was channel surfing. (Yes, I actually watched about 6 minutes of the Olympics. I feel so unclean.)

It’s okay to be proud of the U.S. Olympic athletes, but it’s also okay when someone else besides an American wins. It’s about the competition for me, and until it returns to being about the competition in the eyes of the media and the American public instead of the lust for complete and total domination of “all them foreigners”, I refuse to give the Olympics any consideration. I find my DVR’ed episodes of Survivor and Big Brother far more interesting, entertaining, and relevant- and far more worth watching.

How ’bout them Sliders!!!

CICL 2008 Champions

The Springfield Sliders won the 2008 Central Illinois Collegiate League championship last night by beating the Danville Dans (whatever a “dan” is) 5-2. How friggin’ cool is THAT?! The first year and they bring home the championship.

Between putting out great baseball every night and having numerous promotions and giveaways every night, the Sliders did a terrific job this year. From what I’ve read, they’ve pulled in attendance numbers that rivaled those of the AAA Springfield Cardinals of the late 70s-early 80s. Hopefully the Sliders will continue to “keep it fresh” and the 1700 people a night that come to see the Sliders will tell a friend or two. I’d love to see them start selling out the place- and they could. If they start regularly having to turn people away because the joint is packed to the gills, that’d be awesome…

Maybe if there were a nice big new stadium downtown… hmmmm…

Two great fires extinguished

The entertainment world lost two great, great performers this weekend.  Sorry, but I suck at writing memorials; I liked both men and just wanted to mention their passings.

Bernie Mac 1957-2008

Bernie Mac, actor and immensely funny comedian, died Saturday from complications due to pneumonia at the too-young age of 50.  Born Bernard Jeffrey McCullough in Chicago, he starred in the fantastic stand-up movie The Original Kings of Comedy with D.L. Hughley, Steve Harvey, and Cedric the Entertainer.  As a stand-up, he opened for the likes of Natalie Cole, Dionne Warwick, and comedy legend Redd Foxx.  In 2001 he starred in his own series on FOX, sharply titled “The Bernie Mac Show”, in which he played a parent (to his sister’s kids) who goes through the same trials and tribulations of being a parent that we all do, but he gets to say and do a lot of things we can’t.  The show ran for five seasons.  Mac then was featured in Oceans Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen, he played Bosley in the sequel Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, and he had a key role in Billy Bob Thronton’s Bad Santa.

Isaac Hayes 1942-2008

The music industry lost a giant Sunday as Isaac Hayes, legendary soul & funk singer-songwriter, passed away from as yet unknown causes.  He was 65.  Most people under the age of 30 or so only know him as the voice of Chef from “South Park”, a role he embraced until he quit the show because of the way the writers were mocking Hayes’ religion of Scientology.  (I have my opinions on this, but I’ll keep them to myself.)  He was a pioneer in R&B/soul/funk music, writing many hit songs for both himself and other artists.  He wrote “Walk On By”, “By the Time I Get to Phoenix”, “Never Can Say Goodbye”, and Sam & Dave’s “Soul Man” (one of the best R&B tunes EVER).  His song “Chocolate Salty Balls (Put ‘Em in Your Mouth)”, sung as Chef from South Park, strangely went to #1 in the United Kingdom.  His “signature” tune would have to be 1971’s “Theme from Shaft”, which has been referenced innumerably in movies, TV, other songs, even commercials, with its memorable lyric “That Shaft is a bad motherf-SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” front and center.  He had roles in several movies, my personal favorite being as Hammer in Keenan Ivory Wayans’ blaxpoitation spoof I’m Gonna Git You Sucka! That movie was seriously, SERIOUSLY underrated and overlooked, in my opinion.  He was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2002.

Back in the swing

Taking an unplanned hiatus for a couple weeks has really kind of gotten my snarkiness level dangerously high.  Even for me.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

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First of all, a huge thank you to John and Micah for trying (ref. the State Fair parade).  And I mean that sincerely.  Somehow, though, your hard work translated into blank screens on Access-4.  Personally, I’m blaming Comcast.  They’ve been pretty worthless thus far; it stands to pretty decent reasoning {to me, anyway} that they were the SNAFU.  The FUBAR, if you will.  But at any rate, people DO appreciate the legwork, guys.  Thanks.

Next, let’s see… Hot Rod Blowjo Blagojevich is still doing all he can to cripple the parts of Illinois NOT called Chicago.  Still moving IDOT jobs out of Springfield.  Still threatening to close prisons, making an already bad situation even worse.  Still a friggin’ assbag.  Oh yeah- still no-showing the State Fair parade, for at least the second year in a row, like a little puss (”I was ‘busy’”, he says… riiiigggghhhht), yet suddenly being free enough to drag his family to the ribbon-cutting photo op the next morning.  The very same situation in which he and Mrs. Blowj Blagojevich blasted reporters and photographers last year for following them around “too closely” and “upsetting” his daughter.  Your Governor, ladies and gentlemen.  Your capital city hatin’est, people not from Chicago-(or in his pockets)-screwin’est, do as I say-not as I doin’est, business as usual-est piece of shit Governor.  We’ve still got two years of this jagoff (since lawmakers are too chicken to give voters the recall), so in 2010, vote Blowjo Blagojevich the hell OUT.  Damn near ANYONE can do better.  Hell, if it’ll get him out of office, I’LL run.  Heaven knows I wouldn’t get re-elected, but I’d make my presence known.

What else… oh, something surprisingly decent to come from Blowjo Blagojevich’s office (not that he’s ever actually IN it)– the cameras for taking pictures of speeders.  This is a fantastic idea.  You know who opposes it?  Speeders- go figure.  Slow down and you won’t have to worry about it, dumb ass.  But if the money collected from the tickets is supposed to go towards getting gangs off the fine streets of the state of Chicago, then let the state of Chicago pay for it.  I’m tired of being forced to write checks to Chicago all the friggin’ time.

Getting back to the Fair- everyone has been ripping the grandstand lineup all summer.  Personally, I think it’s one of the better lineups in YEARS.  It’s not completely chock full of mediocre country acts this time, it’s got people I’ve actually heard of- even of the people I probably wouldn’t go see, it’s because I don’t want to, not because I have no clue whom they even are.  Speaking as someone who has ripped grandstand lineups in the past (and for good reason), I have to applaud them this time.  And speaking as someone that gets told the same sort of thing a lot, give Huey Lewis and Weird Al and ZZ Top et al a chance.  You might accidentally like them.  Most 80s music- even really bad 80s music, and that’s largely redundant- is 1000% better than most of the crap that makes the radio nowadays anyway.

Aladdin’s Castle, a fixture at White Oaks Mall since its opening in 1977, has closed.  They’re citing the boom in home gaming systems as the main reason.  Sure, there’s that, but what about the fact that, at least since they’ve been located in the food court, all their games SUCK?  That notwithstanding, what of the delinquent kids whose parents can’t afford X-Boxes and PS-3’s and Wiis?  Where will they hang out now?  Will they actually have to learn to read?  Oh, the humanity.  And mark my words- it’s but a matter of time before White Oaks suffers the same fate as the K-Mart/Venture on MacArthur.

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Wow.  That felt good.

Back soon

JohannDropsABlog will be temporarily “closed” for a few days due to a death in my family.

I will return as soon as possible.

Nobody knows the trouble they see

This article [finally] brings to light the very dire situation of IDOC security employees.

It’s a situation that has been building for a while, but has gotten steadily worse since Blowj Blagojevich took over.  I think Blowj Blagojevich has a vendetta against Corrections.  He absolutely refuses to allow IDOC to hire any new employees, but especially security employees- those who are needed the most.

Staff assaults will continue to increase because the inmates know they very dangerously outnumber COs.  It’s going to wind up taking a riot, a mass escape, or people getting killed before Blowj Blagojevich (and much of the public) finally realizes what the COs are going through.

For the record, I was not a CO but I used to work in a rather central office in IDOC, so I have firsthand knowledge of the troubles these guys and gals are facing.  Mandatory overtime was a big, big problem in my office as well- we were staffed 24/7 by five employees- but on the other side of that, we weren’t in charge of trying to corral and babysit convicted felons, either.

Hang in there, officers.  Just don’t count on AFSCME for help.  AFSCME is completely and totally useless and worthless.

Beer backpedal

The “stupid people” tag on this post finally refers to myself for once. Well, all right, “for once” meaning that, for once, I’m finally willing to admit it.

My {squirrel’s fist-sized} fistful of loyal readers will probably remember a post of mine from a few months ago regarding so-called beer “snobs”. If not, click here and refresh yourself, pardon the pun.

Let me just say that I do still stand by the belief that there are SOME micro-brew slash craft-beer drinkers out there that do represent themselves as “snobs” by considering their standards or their tastes above those that prefer mass-produced beers such as Anheuser-Busch, Miller, or Coors products- the “Big Three”, as I call them. But I also recognize that most micro and craft drinkers simply look at “Big Three” drinkers more as “missing out” than anything else, if anything at all, and probably don’t really think about it at all and really don’t give a rip what someone else drinks. And believe it or not, I recognized that all along.

Let me also say that there are “Big Three” drinkers that represent themselves in a less-than-positive light as well- not as “snobs” but as blind loyalists. People unwilling to expand their horizons. Afraid of that which is different. Unable and/or unwilling to think- or in this case, to drink- outside of the proverbial box. And I was one of them.

I have long been a “Big Three” drinker. I stick to the “Big Three” brewers- my usual suds of choice being Bud Light, Miller Light, and Coors Light. I also have been known to regularly drink others in the “Big Three”’s families, such as Miller High Life and MGD, or Bud Select, Budweiser, and Michelob, for example. But typically, I usually either have Bud Light or Miller Lite on hand, and that’s usually what I’d order when dining out. For the record, I’m really disappointed that Anheuser-Busch sold themselves to InBev, but not so much so that I will stop drinking their beer (provided InBev doesn’t dick around with their flavors…). That’s not what this is about.

Last fall, my sister-in-law’s husband introduced me to Michelob Amber Bock. I was in quite the quandary. It is made by my preferred manufacturer, yet it was a dark(er) beer, much darker than what I was used to, and considered (at least in my head, if not by A-B) to be a “craft” beer. I was big-time hesitant to try it, because I didn’t want to become what I always perceived (out of ignorance, admittedly) as a beer “snob”. I honestly was one of those that automatically labeled craft-beer drinkers as hoidy-toidy, and as thinking they are more sophisticated than non-craft-beer drinkers. But, giving in to the “pressure”- and reassuring myself that since Amber Bock is made by A-B, it would be “okay” to drink it- I tried it and loved it and have drunk essentially nothing else since. Then I started looking at myself as “worldly” because now I drink a craft beer, and a dark(er) one at that. Oooooh, I have such high-fallutin’ taste buds now. What a dork.

Fast forward to earlier this summer. After one of my son’s baseball games, the Johanns went to dinner at BWW with my sister-in-law’s family. We ordered Amber Bocks and were told that they dropped it from their beer list. I thought, what the hell kind of backwoods unsophisticated bar doesn’t serve Michelob Amber Bock?! So, instead of falling back into the safety of a Bud Light, I rather hesitantly followed my brother-in-law’s lead and ordered a Fat Tire Amber Ale, made by New Belgium Brewing Co. in Fort Collins, CO, right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. It was rather different than what I am used to with A-B products. And guess what- I loved it. At this very moment I have one Amber Bock in my fridge and ten Fat Tires. I have been given the suggestion by three people now to try 1554, the dark beer variety made by New Belgium. That is on my list.

Due to Dan’s recent outstanding customer service experience, I also vow to try Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, if for no other reason than because of said customer service. That goes a long, LONG way with me. Sight unseen- or taste untasted, as it were- I will try SNPA simply out of principle.

I will likely try at least a couple of the 477 Samuel Adams varieties out there. I think that might be part of what shies me away from some of “that type” of beer- so many different varieties, the subtleties and differences between which are lost on my simple tastes, that I get overwhelmed. To me, as long as beer tastes like what I feel beer “should” taste like, I’m fine. And in my way of thinking, with so many different varieties, how much like beer can Sam Adams really taste? But again, I may accidentally discover I actually like at least a couple of them.

I need to make myself try some of the “beers I’ve never heard of” when I go to BWW and similar places. That’s about the only way I can try different beers without having to buy an entire 6- or 12-pack and be stuck with it if I don’t like it. If only you could get “sampler” packs at liquor stores- 6-packs (or even 12-packs) that have different varieties of a particular brewer’s wares. I honestly think I’d be far more willing to buy them if I knew I didn’t have to commit myself to a whole mess of something I didn’t like. So I’m taking suggestions on beers that a craft-beer newbie ought to try.

I have no intention of giving up Michelob Amber Bock, or Bud Light, or Bud Select, or Miller Lite, or Coors Light, or any of the other mainstream corporate beers to which I have grown accustomed over my twenty-year-plus beer drinking career. However, I have also finally discovered that “craft beer” or “micro-brew” or simply “non-Big Three” doesn’t automatically mean bitter, or funky aftertaste, or instant hangover-quality headache. There are still some I have tried that I just can’t do- I think Guinness is hideous (tried it), I think whatever beer it is that my brother’s wife likes that smells like Fruity Pebbles is hideous (tried it), and there are some flavored beers I simply can never bring myself to try. Like pumpkin, for example. But, there are also “normal” (i.e. non-specialty) beers that I simply won’t touch ever again either, and that’s more out of respect for my taste buds than any form of snobbery or blind loyalty or anything like that. Your PBRs, your Stags, your Milwaukee’s Be(a)st, your Natural Lights, for example. Sorry, A-B faithful, but Natural Light sucks and sucks hard.

I have yet to find an {actual} import that I can finish, but I will continue the search. Purely from a research standpoint, of course.

At any rate, I have learned that since taste is relative and highly subjective, one cannot logically demean another for their beer preferences, nor their lack thereof. I have learned that, no matter how expansive my beer palate (or is it “palette”?) may become, I will never become a true beer connoisseur. I will never even become a beer “geek”, as my brother deems himself, because I am really just not that interested in the history of beer or the intricacies and subtle nuances of making it, or anything like that. For example, apparently beer somehow tastes better out of a glass than out of the glass bottle in which it comes, and that makes no sense to me whatsoever. Glass is glass, isn’t it? No, the A-B tour is about as “behind the scenes” as I feel I need to be. But I do have more respect for those that are that into beer, as they do truly have more knowledge off all things hops and barley (or wheat…) than I, no matter how subjective what constitutes a “good” beer may be. So while it truly was meant as a hyperbolic, mostly tongue-in-cheek post, I do humbly offer my apology to any and all beer drinkers whom I may have offended by that post. I do not consider myself suddenly sophisticated just because I have discovered a couple of non-mainstream beers, but I also no longer believe that drinking non-mainstream beers makes one a “snob”. Unless, of course, you ridicule mainstream beer drinkers. Even if they deserve it.

Besides, everyone knows that wine drinkers are the real snobs.

Gee, maybe I should complain about my car

I realize I bitch about people and things a lot, usually without just provocation.  And I realize how it makes me look.  But I gotta say that, every once in a great while, even I can say something positive.

Read this and then this and you’ll realize what I mean.

A nod to Dan and a big nod to Sierra Nevada for demonstrating what customer relations are all about.

A Wie bit early

Sorry, SJ-R, for stealing a potential headline. I know how you guys like your cheesy puns.

I don’t really understand the hubbub about the deal with Michelle Wie being disqualified from the Rail Panther Creek Charity Golf Classic tournament this past weekend. Bipolar Chicago sports columnist Mike Nadel, who is often the first to rag on ANY pro athlete for ANY mistake they make, picks up a proverbial sword and defends young Miss Wie to the bitter end in today’s paper.

Folks, it’s got nothing to do with making mistakes. Yes, Bald Boy, everyone makes mistakes, especially us loser newspaper readers (and members of gaggles of nerds). Even pro athletes, who make exorbitantly obscenely insultingly large amounts of money for playing a sport/game/leisure activity (depending on where you fall in that whole argument) make mistakes. Although for the money they make, you’d like to think they wouldn’t, but they are only human. Just grossly overpaid humans.

This particular “mistake” she made this weekend was not signing her score card. I’ve heard people say “it’s not fair” and offer up all these various reasons as to why Miss Wie shouldn’t have been disqualified. Look, folks, rules are rules. Break them, you get disqualified. That’s the way it is. I don’t really get the whole “it’s not fair” thing. Having to follow the rules isn’t fair? Get over it. She knew the rule, she knew where the little “don’t leave here without signing your score card” area was, she did, she was disqualified. Life sucks sometimes. I know she didn’t purposely attempt to circumvent the rules, but she did break the rules and was disqualified for it, justly and fairly. Lack of intent is irrelevant, folks.

No, it’s not about making mistakes. It’s about maturity. Don’t get me wrong here, folks- it is a bummer, especially considering how good Wie was playing Saturday. And I honestly was impressed with how she stood (well, actually, she sat) and stared down all the bottom-feeding vermin reporters and said, “yeah, I made a mistake”. She didn’t try to blame her caddy, or some LPGA or Panther Creek official, or the residents of Springfield, or President Bush, or anyone else- she owned up to it. That is maturity.

But, here’s the problem I have. She has been on the golf scene for a couple of years now. She has yet to win an LPGA event. She has yet to qualify for a PGA event (but bravo to her for trying). She finds new and inventive (and, quite frankly, stupid) ways of getting herself disqualified from events. Do you think just maybe she’s not yet ready to be a professional golfer (that phrase still cracks me up)? Yes, she is only 18. But that’s my point- she was thrust into the pro circuit at the age of 16, being crowned as the female Tiger Woods, so already, there is a certain level of expectation on her as it is. I’m simply saying that maybe either the pressure is still too much for her, and she needs to mature a little more, or that she’s simply not quite the golfer she was made out to be. Or some combination of both. Personally, I hope it is a matter of just not being mature enough yet.

Whatever the reason, Wie has really turned out to be a big disappointment thus far. And yes, she could kick my ass all over a golf course- even if she were blindfolded, tranquilized, and forced to play left-handed and on one leg. But that’s not really saying much; my three-year-old could probably kick my ass all over a golf course. I’m not saying she’s not a good golfer. But as much hype as she has been given, you’d think she’d have a little more to show for it by now. Hell, you’d think she’d have something to show for it by now.

Basically, we’ll see in a few years. The maturity thing will eventually kick in, and then once it does, if she still can’t win a tournament, then we’ll know that maybe she isn’t the golfer we’d been led to believe she is. But please- don’t sit there and feel sorry for her for being disqualified for not following the rules.

Dumb-ass of the Day

Okay, today’s dumb-ass of the day is SJ-R.com commenter Bob Judd of Chatham.  Don’t blame me; he chose to use {what I assume is} his real name.

This article, thankfully brought to my attention by Mr. Cacciatore as I somehow missed it in the actual paper, is an op-ed piece by the woman who was hit by a foul ball at a recent Sliders game.  I’m not even going to get into picking the article apart, which it at least somewhat deserves to be.  No, this is about the little mini-debate Mr. Judd and I conducted in the comments after the article.

Nutshell version:  he feels that there needs to be announcements about foul balls and what not made between every inning, and there needs to be signs posted.  First off, genius, there ARE signs posted throughout the ball park.  Secondly, an announcement is made before the game, but if you need reminded that friggin’ often, then you have some serious ADD issues.

Then our dumb-ass admits that he’s never been to a Sliders game, nor does he have any intention to attend.  Well, then what the phuck are you bitching about?!  Shut up and stay home.  As I told him, last I checked- and judging from the amount of empty seats- attendance at Sliders games is NOT mandatory.  I wouldn’t want your whiny ass there anyway.

Dumb ass.